Thursday, February 28, 2013

glitter girls

A few months ago Mona Darling, from Dead Cow Girl was putting together a compilation of short stories that the subject matter was right up my alley. I submitted a little story about something risqué. Something dirty. Something that is a different experience for everyone. Something that every gal should be in touch with.

Sexuality. Sex. Sexy talk.  Female sexual experience in all it's glory.

And guess what? It was accepted to be in the final book. I couldn’t be more excited! I've kept it hush hush until now. I can’t wait to order my own paperback version of it.

Check out the paperback, or the kindle edition.

More importantly, check out the website.


Wednesday, February 27, 2013

just because.. i'll admit

I’ll admit I hate the mustache on everything trend. That applies to beards as well.

I’ll admit I had Domino’s gluten free pineapple pizza for dinner last night and it was fucking delicious.  

I’ll admit I’ve had at least 2 glasses of wine every night this week.

I’ll admit I mostly paint my nails so I don’t bite them.

I’ll admit that I’ve been in my pajamas since 6:30pm.

I’ll admit that I was wearing said pajamas when I took the dogs out for a potty break, and am a little ashamed that my neighbor caught me.

I’ll admit I got sucked into shopping on etsy and two hours went by. Opps. 

I’ll admit I have a bad case of road rage that comes out every time I’m behind the wheel.

I’ll admit I haven’t shaved my legs in months.

I’ll admit I talk to my mom on the phone almost every day, and we still don’t really listen to each other.


Monday, February 25, 2013

it's not a question or an answer, but it will change your mind

This weekend was the first long stint of being alone I’ve had in quite some time. Was it relaxing? Not in the least.

I spent most of Saturday hanging out with two of my favorite Chihuahua clients. We watched Lifetime movies and ate goldfish crackers. Well, I ate the crackers, I don’t share.

I don’t have cable at my house, and have never really wanted it. Especially after my old roommate would get high as a kite and watch marathons for hours but never pay her half of the cable bill. Anywayyyys. I watched some terrible movie about a woman whose boyfriend beat her up and gave her amnesia and then lied to her about the two being engaged so he could get her fortune. I know, you’re already hooked right?

Afterwards a local photographer friend came over to try out some new (expired) Polaroid film he had purchased and to get some old Polaroid cameras I was giving to him. We took a few digital shots as back up as well.

I'd show you some of the film shots but I showed more skin than I'm about to show on this blog. At least for now. Nothing wrong with a little peek-a-cheek. 

Oh - and he gave me a book he put a few of my photos in. I love helping out local artists. It makes the 3rd book I've been in within the past year. 

I haven’t been sleeping very well since Kh went out of town. I had a couple of glasses of wine, took the dogs out for potty time before bed, and was so looking forward to passing the hell out Saturday night. Do you think it went down that way? Of courseeee not. 

I go to put on my pajamas and finally go to bed when what do I see? A big old pee spot right in the middle of Kh’s pillow. Now I know I didn’t crawl up on that bed, drop my pants and piss on it. I know Kh didn’t pee on it before she left. For one, it was real fresh, and for two she’s just not that kind of girl. Aweeesomeee. At least it didn't get on the bed. I would have been real mad.

Sunday I was just so damn exhausted I tried to do as little as possible. I had a few clients I had to see, and couldn’t drag myself away from pixel people. I’m obsessed. I get off the internet to go to bed, and then play on the internet on my phone in bed. For a couple of hours. 
Tonight I did what I absolutely hate more than anything, household chores. It was mostly to stop myself from falling asleep on the couch at 6:30pm. When I went into the bedroom to fold some laundry, I found a present from one of my dogs. A nice pile of puke. Right on top of my clean towels. Have I said aweeesomeee yet in this post? Cause that's what it was. 

Next weekend you’ll hear all about how drunk I got. That’s for damn sure.


Sunday, February 24, 2013

stream of conscious sunday : a little alone time

On Friday I dropped Kh off at the subway station, and watched her disappear from my review mirror. She was on her way to a flight out West. To sunny California (at least it’s got to be sunnier than Massachusetts).

She’s going to be gone until next Friday. Her company is doing some work for TED, and she’s one of the lucky few that get to go. They went last year, and she got to tweet with Bill Nye. Neat, right?

I mean, Bill Nye tweeted her scribing, and then she retweeted his tweet of her scribing and they took a picture together.  Does that all make sense? Twitter confuses me!

When we first started dating, Kh was often traveling for work. Brussels, Germany, London, all over the US. But within the past year or so her promotion and role has changed considerably and she doesn’t travel nearly as much. We lived in different apartments then, and it was easy to get my alone time. Now I have to squeeze it in whenever I can.

The first afternoon without her coming home to dinner I’m all “le sigh”. Then the second day I’m all “ok, I can do this, lets get shit done!” But after that I slowly get lonely and miss the shit out of her. I've been making her facetime with me instead of talking on the phone, this way I have to pay attention and can't jut "uh huh" her to death. 

Ohhh do I love my alone time. 

My top 5 favorite things to do when I’ve got the apartment to myself. And try not to think of anything dirty here people. That’s usually a given.

1: I find any and every excuse to take a million naps on the couch.
I stay up until 1am drinking wine until I’m either too tired or to drunk to stay awake any longer.
I watch tv shows like The Vampire Diaries, because no ones here to yell at me and tell me it’s crap.
I go on a culinary tour of exotic places via my foodler account.
At the very last possible moment I rush around doing various chores to make it seem like I didn’t spend the entirety of my time alone doing all of the above. This is my least favorite, it means dishes.

I’m using this next week as a time to recharge myself. I’ve been running low on steam, and letting a lot of every day things slip by me.  I haven’t been in a positive, nor productive mindset in what seems like a very long while, and my mission this week is to kick my own ass back into gear. Whether it be finishing projects that have been sitting on the shelf, do some early Spring cleaning, or finally take that last step needed to be on my own business wise. I’m going to get it done. And I’m not going to be watching any paranormal movies while doing it. Serial killers? No problem. Psychotic disfigured beasts on a rampage? Ok, let’s do it. But ghosts? Scare the shit out of me when I’m alone. 


Friday, February 22, 2013

this is me : currently

(hey. I have shorts on. don't get cheeky)
:: Currently ::

Obsessing over ::  

Finding the right time to make a big change, one that will set into motion something I can’t stop for a long time to come. It’ll make me have to take on full responsibility of tasks I can normally default to only being a middle woman on. I’m slightly terrified, and stressing out every second about when’s the right moment. But, there’s never the right moment and you have to just take the plunge and create change for yourself, if you ever want to see changes come. 

And the length of my hair. der.

Working on ::

My website for said change. I’m going over every single detail making sure it’s perfect. Almost obsessively.. So, see above?

My etsy shop. My artwork. My uncanny ability to ignore problems. I’m always a work in progress. 

What if I admitted to the fact I was working on facebook stalking a girl I used to sleep with, would you judge me? What if I said her newest girl friend is close to 10 years younger than her and was totally wearing a completely sheer shirt with a yellow bra while opening presents with her family and it was totally fun to be grossed out in my own head and admit it on my blog?

Thinking about ::

What day this weekend I can spend the entirety of it in my pajamas watching movies I haven’t seen in forever while eating ice cream cake. And probably drinking.

Oh, and the fact I get to sleep the * bleep * in tomorrow.

Anticipating ::

Next Friday when Kh gets home from being away this entire week. She’s only been gone from my sight for about 11 hours and I’m already a huge mopey bitch.

Listening to ::

Absolute silence and it’s AMAZEBALLS. Once in a while a dog will let out a heavy sigh, but even that is tolerable when I have all other sounds turned off. I need this.

Eating/Drinking ::

A tall glass of merlot. With the bottle right next to me. Yes and please. Even though it's having the affects of drinking fermented grape juice. I don't like this kind one bit. Mer.

Wishing ::

I don’t find it’s beneficial to wish on things, as I’ve learned wishing doesn’t bring anything to a culmination..I sound like a cynical old biddy.

Ok, let me try that last one again so I don’t sound so much like a crankfart… wish this wine wasn’t crappy. There! A wish! 

Linking up with The Paper Mama for her Self Photo Challenge!

I liked this little link up. I used to be obsessive about taking self portraits as a way to document the ever evolving, ever elusive manifestation that was.. is.. and might always be.. Stephanie Marie. Dun dunn.. Ever since photography school I took a step back and haven’t really done much behind/in front of the camera play. I liked goofing around and getting nothing good out of this photoshoot but still using a shot.
One of the dogs just barked and my precious silence is ruined.


Thursday, February 21, 2013

coffee talk number three

I slacked off last week, and I’m sorry for that. I skipped a coffee talk, and I’m ashamed.

Not really, I was just too busy to really get my head out of my ass and put together a post.

Being busy has its ups and its downs. The upside? Making that money, getting those clients and working hard towards a goal. The downside? I want to go to bed by 7pm, I’m barely awake long enough to get my buzz on, and I’m not getting nearly enough online window shopping in.

I made it a point to take a few moments to get in some me time this week. I did some window shopping and played with my polyvore account. I haven’t touched that thing in forever.

If you have a polyvore you can find me here

I can't really complain about this past Winter, as it really hasn't been too bad. But holy moly am I ready for Spring. I'm sick of the snow, and the temperatures going from 48 all the way down to 10. Get out of here already. 

To psych myself up I made a few Springy outfits.

I love a nautical theme, especially a subtle one. I'd even wear the red shoes.
It wouldn't be my type of outfit without a skull theme to it. Now would it?

Since I don't want to bore you with just my polyvore outfits, how about a few things I've been lusting after while window shopping? Ok, sure Stephanie why not!

I am loving the graveyard leggings so so so much, but they might even be too goth for me. I, of course, had a million other things I loved and put into my cart but never intend to buy. They just sit there all "wahh buy me I'm even on saleeee!" I hate telling cute things no..

Not really. No is my favorite word.

A post that should have taken me 30 minutes to type up has now turned into a 3 hour escapade and it's driving me bonkers. You ever feel like the second you get on the computer, or start to do something on your own every living thing in the house needs your attention? Yeah, that's my night. 


Tuesday, February 19, 2013

just because.. it's tuesday doesn't mean i'm not drinking

My day. Was. Rough. I got started before 10am, and didn’t actually sit down (other than in my car driving like a mad woman) until after 7pm. My client list for the day quite literally doubled overnight. While it’s stressful the day of, afterwards I feel really great and exhilarated how well I’m doing almost completely on my own.

At my last stop of the night, I told Kh I’d pick her up from the subway (or T if you’re a Boston local). I was about 10minutes away from her and asked if she’d mind grabbing me a bubbly water (aka seltzer, carbonated, amazingness). And maybe a sweet treat.

I’m not a big sweets eater, but (sorry to go there) I got my period raging bad last night and all I wanted was something chocolatey, a bottle of advil, a hot water bottle, and my pajamas.

I pull up to where I’m supposed to meet Kh. There she is, standing in the rain holding a bag. She gets in the car and I suspiciously eye the logo on the side of the bag. 
Do you know what that mother-licker got me? A fucking oreo ice cream cake from JP Licks aka my favorite oreo ice cream making place ever.

Holy shit do I love her. I came home, put on my pajamas, and ate a piece of it. Before dinner. I didn’t even care, and it was so good I pretty much died a little.

That was my Tuesday, and shit did it ever end on a good note. 


Monday, February 18, 2013

a weekend, some fake hair, and a lot of wine

I wish I had one of those weekends full of crazy adventures and tomfoolery. But, I didn’t.

Let’s start my recap with Valentines Day, since I’m such a grump-puss about the whole holiday.

I had an excruciatingly long day at work, but Kh was able to surprise me with flowers, a box of chocolates (for myself, kh and our friend to share), and other little trinkets that were just perfect. For me at least.

She got me a bat shit crazy card (the inside was the cutest thing ever), a porcupine quill necklace, and a nylon ring that is coated in spf so when I start tanning (not on purpose mind you, I don't do that shit) I’ll have tan lines that shape. Cute.

That night Kh, our friend, and myself went out to eat at what’s becoming our favorite walk-to-so-we-can-get-drunk place. 3 glasses of wine, and enough food to make me pop made the walk home pretty difficult.

Friday was another exceptionally long day for me. I don’t know what it was but last week really kicked my ass and then some. I got home and took the longest shower ever. Right in the middle of our “what do you want for dinner?” discussion (that can usually last an hour if not more) I got a text from a friend who was getting dinner at a Italian place that’s right down the street from my house. We gave in and went.

The place itself is just what you think of if I were to say “That local family owned Italian restaurant with a lot of shit on the walls.”

I had a salad and mozzarella sticks. And by the time I got home I was writing out my will and quite sure I was dying. My toilet became my best friend, and I’ll just leave that up to your imagination to fill in the blanks. I should have known better when I saw the fruit flies swarming around our table.

Saturday I was able to pump enough life into my veins to dye my hair and the extensions. I might have made a mess. To dye the extensions I just placed them on a piece of aluminum foil and painted the color on. Making sure to work it in realll gooood. 

 Who doesn't love a behind the scenes look at someone making a complete mess of themselves while dying their hair? 

Sunday? It mother-truckin snowed again. I know it’s New England, but can’t a girl get a break? I’m ready to retire these winter boots already.

The only thing really productive that happened on Sunday was getting my hair cut and my extensions put in. Hair surgery!

Left - first glass of wine. Right - my third. 

In total it took close to 3 hours. We ended around 11:30pm, and my poor friend had to be up by 3am to catch a 5:30 flight. Even if he was half asleep, my hair came out just how I wanted it. He filled in the front with about 20 pieces per side to start making the shape of a bob.

I know it's not the craziest of differences. It's about 2 1/2inches longer on each side of my face. Which is just what I needed to not drive myself crazy while growing out this mop of mine.

I'm sure I'll post more photos in the following week. It's the first time in a long ass time I like how my hair looks. So that says something.


Sunday, February 17, 2013

stream of conscious sunday: insta-crazy

I’ve decided on Sundays I’m going to try and write about something going on in my personal life that’s making me feel guilty, or just something I need to get off my conscious. Or just random bull from my life in general.
Just recently I blocked my very first user on instagram. I’ve had instagram for a long ass time now, and for me to just now be blocking someone; you know it must be serious.

I do contracting work for a local-ish company. With this come a lot of consultations, meet and greets, schmoozing. This past Monday we had a client consult at my house for an overnight boarding request. This is the first time the owner of the company I contract for was at my house. It weirded me out a little, but a lot of things weird me out. Like peanut butter and jelly in the same container, or belly shirts.

What tipped the line of weird-stephanie out? The second she walked in the door she introduced herself to Kh and said she “practically knows her from all my posts on instagram.” Then she tripped up and even said that I was a “post-a-thon-er.”

Eh, what? Kh instantly turned red, and I played it off like “yeah sure, I’M the insta-crazy here.”

Over the next week I couldn’t stop thinking about how she pretty much said she stalked me on instagram. I don’t know her at all, and what I do know of her, I'm not overly fond of. So after getting over my guilt for not wanting her in my business, and getting the "it's ok" talk from my friends, I googled how to block someone on instagram.

I know it seems a little weird, since I have plenty of people I don’t know following me on instagram. But there’s a fine difference between people you don’t know and could potentially get to know, and someone that’s in your life that you completely don’t know, and possibly don’t want to know. There’s also that unwritten rule about never revealing you stalk someone online. My grandma breaks this one often.

“I saw those pictures your friend N posted on facebook, where was she? Who is that guy she’s with? Is that her cat? Did she buy new boots?”

Gram, shhhhh.

Am I crazy for doing this? Maybe. I still feel a little guilty about it, but since then I’ve made my profile private and I’m on lockdown. I know the internet and any public forum is fair game, but blocking features exist so why not use them? 


Saturday, February 16, 2013

a hairy history

  --> There you have it. The history of my hair in pictorial form starting with little high school me. Yeah I was in a tube top bra and stockings. Didn’t everyone hang out in their bathroom like that? Then we move on to college me, first move to Boston me, Philadelphia and Portland me, Salem me, and this past Summer me.

A couple of photos show my natural hair color.

Gosh do I miss my angled bob..

I’ve made the decision recently to grow my hair out. I’m quite sure once I get the long hair I’m aiming for, I’ll hate it and want to cut it all off again. I’m ready for a bit of change, even if it means being a hair-hating grouchy pants until I get it.

My good friend, who happens to be my hair stylist (and has been doing my hair on and off since I was 19) stays at my house every 6 weeks when he comes up from Florida to do clients at the old salon I used to work at. This works out smashingly for me, as I get salon quality cuts in my kitchen. (So does Kh.)

This time around he brought up some extensions that we’re going to color match to my hair and throw in to frame my face. Yes, and yes! And don’t be fooled, by color match I simply mean we’re dying it the same box-color I dye my own hair. Box color’s pretty bad for your hair, but ain’t nobody got time to go to the salon! (By time I mean money).  I’m even more excited by the fact I don’t need to go back to the salon I used to work at to get it done. Yeahhhhh-whoooo!

My hairs going to go through several stages. All of which I’m going to hate immensely.

Right now I’m at the helmet head stage.  My hair grows out in a thick bulky mess and then starts to lengthen. My head looks about 2x bigger with all this hair just hanging out on the top of it.

I won’t scare you away with photos of that look, but tomorrow I’ll have a new cut and some fine ass extensions to be whipping around.


Thursday, February 14, 2013

im a walking heart on

Valentines Day. Pffffttttttt! (if you were wondering, that’s a fart sound coming out of my mouth.)

Kh and I recently took a trip to Target. I found myself walking through the seasonal section and seeing nothing but prepackaged chocolate filled cardboard hearts, lollipops shaped like glistening beacons of love (ew?), and bears clutching to hearts with LOVE written in white script. I was probably more irritated by the apparent lack of Reese's peanut butter treats than anything else.

I, personally, have been over Valentines Day since I grew my first pube.

In my high school days the weeks leading up to Valentines Day were absolute torture. My hickville school had a fundraiser that allowed people to buy roses for girl friends, boy friends, secret admirers, crushes, you name it. You could send them anonymously or put a name to it. I would hold my breathe during homeroom secretly wishing I’d get a lame-ass rose. I never did, womp womp. Not even from a friend. My blonde haired, cheerleader best friend? Oh, she got plenty over the years.

Bitter? Yeah, a little.

 I dated a guy long distance for most of my late teens, and the most memorable Vday gift I received was a box containing a bear, chocolate shaped hearts, and a wooden “Dutch” love spoon. Complete with a heart on the handle. Yeah, seriously. His uncanny way of picking out the perfect gift was only matched by his tribal armband tattoo and love of Transformers.

Ok, fast forward over 10 years later. Last year Kh surprised me with a rose and tickets to see Casablanca (one of my favorites of all time) on the big screen playing at a local theater. I love that she knows me well enough to surprise me like that. It really takes a lot to get to know me, I’m a tough cookie.

I love her every day of the year. Tuesdays, Fridays, and even on mornings when she forgets to pour me a cup of coffee. I believe our relationship goes a bit beyond making sure we send each other flowers and a card on a random day in February. I put a lot of thought into each gift I give/make her, and I’m so thankful to have her in my life. Even if I hate Valentines Day and its manufactured consumerism with the after taste of love.

What I’m getting at is I’m completely stumped what to make her this year. Womp womp.  


Wednesday, February 13, 2013

can't it get just a bit closer

Today’s life lesson: When doing a craft that calls for you to leave it out in direct sunlight to cure, don’t start the project at 4pm while the sky is slowly getting darker and darker. And after said craft, don’t fall asleep with your face directly in front of the space heater, you might need to drink a gallon of water and put on some moisturizer.

I feel like an old nanna today. I have a pillow behind my back, a blanket over my lap, and my laptop on a pillow on top of said blanket. A space heater is pulled up real close to me. If I could I’d put the blanket over the space heater and call it a day.

Sunday night the street outside my house looked like this.
 I knew there was no way I was going to be able to drive my car on it.

Anyyyways. Long story short. I walked 5 miles total on Monday. In these brand new ugly ass winter boots I had to buy. My back has been killing me ever since. I have an icy-hot patch on it and I’m feeling damn sexy.
 Is that a sweet tattoo? Oh no, it’s just my icy hot patch.

I had two large marks on my lower back all night after taking it off. I thought I was burned for life.

In anticipation of V-day tomorrow Kh and I went out for dinner and drinks at one of our favorite places this evening. Our friend is coming into town tomorrow so we won’t be spending it just the two of us. I find Vday to be overrated, and it's super hard to find a place that is still open for reservations. Shh, don't tell Kh that first part, I'd be sleeping on the couch.
 My girlfriend sure is handsome.

I ordered Jade Mountain Chardonnay. Classy? No, it was the only wine I could pronounce without sounding like an asshat. Kh got a fancy cocktail, as per usual. We also ate deviled eggs and apple cobbler. Uh – whatttt! 

Chalk that up to one of those precious moments you're glad your pants have an elastic-extendable waistline. (Maybe that's just me, I'm ok with it.)

 This is what I looked like tonight. 

It’s 11 and I can’t believe I’m even still awake.


Monday, February 11, 2013

we got this or rather I survived the storm with the lame name

Yesterday was the first day in 2 days that I put on real clothes and actually left my house. I was pretty convinced Kh was going to have to cut me out of my pajamas, that’s how serious it was.

Like most of New England, it’s a winter wonderland outside my front door. Snow drifts 7feet tall, snow tunnels that were once wide sidewalks, and giant snow banks shaped oddly like cars. The town I live in has the worst snow removal process ever and any street that isn’t a main road still has at least 4 inches of snow packed down with slush on top of it so you can barely drive on it,

Or rather, I can barely drive on it. My POS Toyota still doesn’t have snow tires on it. Woop woop! A steady incline with a bit of slush on it? Oh, no problem, excuse me while I spin out and ultimately go backwards. Vroom vroom bitches.  
 [ that's us mid-storm. we took a walk like a bunch of jackasses ]

We got stir crazy and finally left the house yesterday in a zipcar (a car you can rent hourly). I’d say it was eventful, but it wasn’t. We had to dig out the car, even after the service rep at zipcar said the lot and car would be clean. A big screw you to the lyingface zipcar lady. You suck.

 While digging out the car, a man shoveling the sidewalk casually would peer our way every so often. After about 30 minutes of shoveling, and just as we’re getting the car out, he comes over and offers to help. Hey, buddy, take your sweat pants back over there, we got this shit. 

What I did to stay sane during the snowstorm with the lamest name ever:  
:: I found people that went to my high school on instagram and mildly obsessed about how much I can’t/couldn’t stand them.
:: I played with the imadeface app and made our cute little faces. Even if I always have bitch face. 

:: I watched endless episodes of The X-Files
:: I cooked. Chocolate chip pancakes, (my first ever) homemade vegetarian chili and cornbread, and homemade pizza.
:: I made dream catchers, rings, hair clips, and things out of sculpey.
:: I made Kh paint my nails. And toe nails. Purple and green.
:: Spied on my neighbors shoveling out their cars in sweat pants, ugg boots and a moto jacket.

What I did not do:
:: Clean my apartment.
:: The dishes.
:: Organize my closet and put away my clothes.
:: The laundry.
:: Successfully get drunk.
:: Sleep in.
:: Wear pants that didn’t have an elastic waistband.

 Pretty damn eventful, right? Ok, not in the least bit. But I'd give anything to go back to Saturday and not have it be Monday. booo-hoo.