It was a nasty day, with winds
up to 45mph blasting you from the side, slushy snow that hit the streets and
turned to water, and a temperature of 37degrees.
Just warm enough for me to sweat if I moved to much.
I start out all bundled up, I look
in the mirror before I leave the house and make sure my hair is evenly placed
around my face under my hat and I don’t have anything unsightly stuck to my
face from breakfast. My mascara is waterproof, clutching to my eyelashes for
dear life, refusing to let go even in the shower. Just the way I like it.
I look as presentable as I’m going
to get, because I know what’s going to happen 10 minutes out the door. I’m
going to fall the hell apart.
Let me back track to talk about a
couple of people I saw on their commute this morning. They were all bundled up
and braving this nasty day, just like I was, but there was one difference
between us.
The elements had no effect on them.
And I hate them for it.
Ok ok.. harsh..
The gusts of wind seemed to be
working with their long hair, letting it flow behind them in waves with their
hat perched so perfectly on their head. The snow turned to magic dust crystals
when it hit there clothes and left no traces of a wet spot. There eyes were two
bright spots in the middle of their big old faces, ready to take on whatever
the day had in store for them.
Is there some elite secret society for the preservation of your dignity when leaving the house on inclement weathered days? I'd like to subscribe to their newsletter.
When the wind hits me on days like
this, I squint my eyes like I’m sucking on a lemon candy. I have a permanent
scowl on my face like someone is consistently pissing in my cheerios, or like
the world smells of farts. My hair doesn’t flow like waves behind me, but
rather like the matted seaweed stuck in those waves. If you look close enough I
probably even have a sea creature or two lurking in my locks.
The 65% of my hair that’s fake that
frames my face takes on a life of it’s own and completely separates from the
top layer of my real hair, I’ll attribute that to the sea creatures as well. It
looks like I have some odd bowl cut that I missed a few pieces when getting
cut.
I can only be thankful my mascara
is waterproof or else it would be running in streams down my cheeks. My
blotchy, red cheeks.
Inclement weather hates me, and I
hate it right back.
You should see me on 90degree days. I
essentially melt into an old tomato that can’t process heat.
Winter be gone.
xo
