i can feel it but it wont let it drag me down

 I realized this past weekend I can no longer party like I’m 21. This isn’t quite a new revelation, but more like one that’s been instilled in me so hopefully I don’t forget so quickly.

Friday night was the Nico Vega show at a venue this side of the river. Meaning, I didn’t have to go in to Boston to see it. The show itself was phenomenal. I didn’t know the opening band, nor the band after them, so we mostly just drank to take up the time when they weren’t on. First big mistake there.

The show itself was one of the best performances I’ve seen in a while. Energetic, interactive, and they played a few of my favorite songs.  After the show a bearded burly little man came running up to us to show us his tit that Aja had signed. His ex-but still friends – boyfriend came after. We became drunk friends. Second big mistake. 

 What followed was drunken hair talk, exchanging of numbers, and shots. Shots of jager.

We left the venue and started walking home. We parted ways with our drunken gay entourage and while waiting for a car service to pick us up, I decided throwing up all over would be the best idea. I got some on my shirt so naturally changed into the shirt I had just bought at the concert. This is where I really felt like I was 20 again.

The car driver was convinced KH was going to puke everywhere but I reassured him he just needed to drive faster and put down a window. I bet I was so convincing.

I got home and had to make mac and cheese while sitting on my friend who I woke up the moment I walked in the house. I only let him be when I decided I had to ravage my girlfriend.

The next day can be summed up in this.

I couldn’t sit up so I ate my breakfast sandwich off my chest.

It was rough. Until around 7pm, when I felt well enough to drive up to Salem to eat fried shrimp and ice cream. Delicious, and I want more. 

Sunday thankfully I awoke with a new lease on life, and not feeling nearly as hungover as Saturday. We went out for brunch, came home and napped, and then went to see Elysium. Pfffftt, is my review of it.

Just what we need, another movie where a man saves the world and his woman counterpart is helpless in the plight.

We also forced ourselves to watch the season finale of True Blood. This season has really been tough on me. I want to keep loving the show, but it’s just hard. I will forever love Alcide however, especially with his shirt off.

It’s Monday. I feel slightly like shit still, and do not want to have this week start. Isn’t there a pause button? My days are moving to fast for me.

xo

secret surprise birthday party shenanigans and other weekend happenings

I have been absolutely dying to talk about this. Dying!

In May I started making plans to have a surprise birthday for Kh. I made party reservations at our favorite local bar, got in touch with her friends, and started stockpiling gifts on the sly.

She had a crazy work event that took up the time around her birthday, so we had it this past Saturday. Finally! Talk about stressful, holding back big plans like that. I was a nervous wreck the past few weeks in anticipation. 

 

Saturday we spent the whole day hanging out with one of my clients while they unloaded their moving van. He’s a 150lb St. Bernard, that just so happens he can’t go up stairs. I live on the second floor of my apartment.. so we took a long walk around a pond, then sat in a park and had some lunch with him. 

The party happened on Saturday night, and it went so well. I can finally relax. We had friends come in from out of town, including my best friend who came in from NYC. She spent all day with us and Kh had no idea she was here for her party. Phew, that takes some skill!

I barely got any photos; I was to busy mingling and enjoying the night. Kh’s good friend made nutella frosting cupcakes, and gluten free brownies. So amazing!

Sunday we went out for brunch. We didn’t plan very properly and it took somewhere close to 2hours before we actually ate. That’s pretty typical of The Friendly Toast on a weekend. I had all the beverages ever, including a mimosa made out of grapefruit juice instead of oj. It was delicious! I also tried my first bloody mary, spicy!

While waiting for our food we saw a giant poof of flame shoot out of the kitchen. Apparently a can of something or another got to close to the grill and exploded. We were too comatose with hunger to really care and just stared at the smoke in the room.

After what turned into lunch we laid around the apartment napping. I had a couple of clients staying over so it was small dog city in my apartment. 

I got Kh a few wet taxidermy specimens for her bday. A squid head, leeches, and rat feet(which aren't pictured).

 Now it's back to work. It was over 90degrees today, and I was quite sure I was dying. I got to take the worlds second longest nap, made hot dogs on the grill, and painted sugar skulls for a few hours.  

I want my weekend to hurry up and get here again. 

xo
 

catching up; my weekend shenanigans

Kh had her birthday earlier in the month, and I decided to turn every weekend this month into an extended birthday celebration for her. So far it's working out quite well.

Last Friday night we went to our favorite bar, one we don't get to frequent to often. I managed to put 5 Dark and Stormy's to my face. Five.

Saturday morning I affectionately referred to them as Devils Juice. All the while Kh told me I wreaked of ginger beer. I guess that's better than rum, like some drunken sailor.. eh?

I finished up most of my work earlier in the day, so we could head up to Salem and spend the rest of the day eating.

Our first stop was Salem Willows. It's essentially a boardwalk with arcades, and varying food stands. Chinese food to ice cream, they have any form of disgusting food you'd want. Including fried oreos. It reminds me of the Jersey Shore.. Except not.

 Fried shrimp, a hot dog and fries.. Destroyed it. Afterward we were chatting away when I catch a glimpse of something creeping up behind us. I figured it was another person that doesn't understand personal space, but no.. It was this creeping seagull. 

I threw my shrimp tails at him, the first one hitting him square upside the head. He barely even flinched, and it took him a while to go after it. 

To work off some of the food we just inhaled, and make room for ice cream we played in the arcades. 

Kh had her fortune told by Zoltan. Who had a complete contradiction to the other fortune teller mannequin head. She told me my lucky color was white. I'd probably have to disagree. 

After sufficiently eating everything and playing every game ever, including pinball which apparently I'm fantastic at, we went to our other favorite spot to visit while in Salem. 

They have a cheese plate that I'm pretty much in love with. Particularly the mustard ale cheese. I wanted to order 4 chunks of it and squirrel it away in my purse. Kh found it online for $20 a wheel.. She always ruins all my fun. 

I was that person eating bread and drinking gluten free beer. I wanted to find another option so I didn't feel quite as sick/bloaty afterward. I completely threw my low carb/low sugar diet out the window over the weekend, and damn was I glad to. 

This weekend I have another fun plans set into motion, but I'm keeping them hush hush. Loose lips sink ships. 

xo

i need a month of weekends

It's Wednesday. I woke up this morning thinking it was Friday, and I was beyond heartbroken when reality set in. I have 16 days left until we leave for Mexico. I am so ready for this vacation. I'm almost afraid to return from it and have to get back into daily living.

I've been having some fantastic weekends as of late. Lets start with the last weekend in April shall we?

Kh and I took a day trip to a local Zoo. Ok, not so much a day trip as it's literally 10 minutes from our house. It was a pretty sad excuse for a zoo, and I'm still convinced most of the animals were trying to kill themselves.

The flamingo enclosure smelled like fishy poop death, which was heightened by the intense body odor emitting from a few of our fellow onlookers. We got to see a tiny bat almost pee on his own face while hanging upside down, that was pretty funny. 

Kh was pretty entertained with the llamas, and the monkeys. I found this pretty awesome wood carving.

I asked Kh to take a picture of me. Kh has this habit of taking a million pictures of me, in every single state of talking. Goofing off, mouthing back at her, and doing my impression of what I usually end up looking like. 

 I think the bottom left shows off my personality quite well. 

After the Zoo we went up to Salem to grab some lunch. We sat outside and soaked up some more sunshine. And drank some beer. Obviously.

This past weekend we wandered around Somerville Open Studios. My friend Janine over at Salvage Love was participating. She has some amazing reclaimed wooden art, refurnished furniture and jewelry. She also had beer and some wine, so that was an added bonus. 

Later in the night we went to our favorite restaurant with some friends. We gorged ourselves on yummy food, and our waitress/bartender/owner kept bringing us sample drinks. 

Since I'm on the topic of weekends. This coming weekend we're going to be celebrating our two friends graduation from law school. Fancy cocktails and good food. I'll probably even con Kh into going shopping for Mexico attire. 

xo

my only weakness is a listed crime

I woke up this morning hoping it was an extra weekend day, but it wasn’t. I’m also a day closer to my birthday, and the combination of these two facts made me feel like hiding out under the covers. At least for an extra hour.

My weekend was one of those low-key barely do anything but spend all the money in the world kind of weekends.

For the first time in a while Kh and I went out for drinks and dinner. But mostly drinks Friday night. I had a beer, and some wine. Beer = not such a good idea for me. Throwing up all night is awesome. 

I have a gluten intolerance. I love beer more than I could ever love a child born from my own womb, but I can't drink it. And GF beer makes me want to hurl just thinking about it. 

Saturday I had a bazillion little work related things to do, and barely slept Friday night. Which translates to.. I took a nap in the afternoon. Boooya. It was pretty great, I must admit.

After my sleeping beauty goal was complete, we went to Target to pick up “all those things” that we had been running out of but refused to make trips to the store for. Those few things turned into a cart load of money symbols dancing around.

It never fails. I always end up buying the same few things when I go to Target. Panties, and makeup. Sometimes I mix it up and buy a shirt, dress, or pants. But generally panties and some form of makeup makes it’s way into my basket.

You’d think my dresser would be overrun with panties at this point, but I think someone in the apartment below me monitors when I’m doing my laundry and steals some of them out of the dryer. Pantie thief! I still can’t find my favorite black pair from my last Target excursion.. Oh well, look at the cute Spring colors I have now to replace them.

It was time for me to replace my favorite pink and red lipstick as well.

I was a bit disappointed in their clothing selection. How is that no matter what level of self love you have for yourself at the point in which you cross the threshold into a Target dressing room, it’s ripped away from you the second you look at yourself in the changing room mirrors? I also felt real old shopping in the Juniors section and over hearing this conversation.

“Ok, like you totally have to pick out clothes for me, and I’ll totally pick out clothes for you. You know what I mean?”

“Totally.”

I always try things on, and then think it over before buying them. I’m liking the striped dress and the floral one.

Lets just skip right to Sunday. I made Kh leave the house early, we grabbed coffee and egg sandwiches at our favorite café then did the most horrible thing in the world.. Grocery shopping at Trader Joes on a Sunday morning. Even early, it was terrible. Everyone turns into savage beasts when trying to get their bags of broccoli, and their bananas.

We survived. And went shopping.. again. This time, I hated it but Kh was real into it.

I realized one thing; peplum shirts make my boobs look ginormous. I even tried on one of those mesh insert peplum shirts, which just made them even more gigantic. Bam! 

 I had a few misses.The one on the right I liked, but it had a busted seam in the front. And the left one was to short in the front.

But ended up getting these three shirts. For under $40. And a pair of black skinny jeans, on sale for $19. I love being cheap.

Here's to another Monday. 

xo

witches look better with cleavage and tales of an animal hoarder

I walk into her first floor one-bedroom apartment. It’s clean and well organized. The artwork on the wall is framed and arranged in a random pattern that denotes a sense of not being random at all. I can tell she probably had spent hours putting those hangings up. Scrutinizing over where her framed “imagine” typography print should go.

I decide she’s a graphic designer, all within the first few seconds of stepping inside the threshold. She apologizes for the place being messy. I make a mental note to never let her see my apartment. Not that she would, that’s silly.

I get the tour and she shows me where all the pertinent supplies will be for next week. I get a copy of her keys and give her my business card with all the ways to contact me.

She smiles exuberantly and exclaims how glad she is I’m not a psycho.

I smile and say “Me too.”

That was the start of my Monday. But I guess I should start with the end of my weekend.

I wish I could say I did something painfully exciting, when in fact I spent from Thursday until Sunday horribly stressed out. I was cooped up in my apartment with a few overnight clients. By a few, I mean 5 dogs, not including my 2 dogs. If you were assuming I felt like a crazy lesbian animal hoarder that should be put on network television, you’d be assuming correctly.

Although my apartment is clean, and the dogs were all under 9lbs. None of them managed to chew a hole in my couch and live inside the stuffing, so that says something, right?

Sunday after 2 of the dogs went home, Kh and I felt liberated enough to go to the movies with a couple of friends. We got picked up and headed off to see The Great and Powerful Oz in iMax. I’ve only ever seen one other movie in iMax, and that was SeaRex. (Which I totally took Kh to see on one of our first dates, I’m awesome right?)

I sat there, with my head slightly tilted to one side, biting the inside of my lip, wondering if the movie I was watching was a complete load of shit, or if it was just the sheer in your face magnitude the 3D element gave to it. I was quite sure I’d have an image  of James Franco’s gigantic face seared to the inside of my eyelids if I closed them for to long.

I stopped wondering when I looked over at Kh, who had a look of “I smell horse shit and it won’t go away”.  Yay, confirmation from my girl friend that the movie was garbage.

Barely even under the surface of the movie is a severe undertone of sexism, and not a single empowered female was shown. Every woman was depicted as a sniveling emotional mess whose world and core values get completely destroyed when a man doesn’t return her affections. The only woman who doesn’t seem to grovel at the mans feet happens to be a woman who puts her own potential and power aside to help coddle and bring a man to his own self worth. When all along she could probably do some serious damage on her own, not wait for a man to save her.

Or to save the damn munchkins. At least the witches had sex appeal, eh?

After the movie I had 2 ½ beers and we all commiserated on how terrible it was to stare at James Franco’s face that large for so long. 

And now I need to sleep for 3 days straight. 

xo

 

your maximum point of power in your life is now

Last weekend, while a bit relaxing, was void of Kh and of anything real exciting. I tried to make up for it this weekend.

Friday night Kh, my good friend, his girl friend and myself went to a local bar/restaurant that we’ve frequented often by now. It’s within stumbling distance from our house, which makes it the perfect spot to go to when we want to get.. how do I say it.. trashed. 

Kh and I got there a bit early, so we could get a table and have a drink before they arrived. Friday was my stressful run in with the crazy, so we were both on edge and full of anxiety. We got dinner, drinks, and ended up staying there for quite a while. When it was time to leave, we figured why not go to the bar next door! So naturally, we did.

Fast forward to the bartender calling last call, and flicking the lights on and off. I look at my phone to see what time it was, 2am. There's something incredibly jarring about the lights going on in a bar when you're drunk, and completely unaware of what time it is.

I can’t tell you the last time I stayed out until last call, or even closed down a bar. I’m more of a have a few drinks out then finish off by getting tanked at home kind of girl. I keep it classy and cheap.

 (hungover me)

It was really great spending time with both of them, but the next day I was in rough. Rough. Shape. I had some work to do, and other then that I spent the entire day sleeping, drinking coconut water, boinking and staring at my ever-growing wreck of an apartment. Oyyy.

The best part about being hungover is the next day when you open up your eyes and feel like “Holy shit I could conquer the world! And not throw up all over!”. You expect to still feel like you’re dying and it’ll never go away, when bam.

I opened up my eyes, rolled out of bed, grabbed a glass of water then went back to bed Sunday morning. I figured it was somewhere around 8:30, the usual time we start to wake up. I get into the bedroom and Kh sits straight up in bed, eyes wide and is all “Do you KNOW what time it is?!” I stare blankly at her until she says “10:45.”

That put a fire under my ass and I had to rush around to get ready and out the door. I saw a kittie client, and then we went Tv shopping. Something Kh has been dying to do forever now.

 We got Starbucks first. Their coffee makes me feel like I’m on crack.

Blah blah blah, Best Buy blah blah Technology. All of which doesn’t compute with me very well. I stood around while Kh chatted it up with the tv man. Who had some wicked sick tatties on his forearms. You know, like a banner over what looked like a gravestone all in gray wash with someone’s name in it.  

While ignoring everything I look up and see the face of this guy I used to sleep with on 15 different tv monitors surrounding me. I can’t escape it! Ah! I texted my best friend and it looked something like this.

 Kh installed the tv when we got home, with very little help from me. Do you see the difference? Yeah, I don't either. HA! I know we went from 40" to 46" and now everything I watch looks like it's going to pop out of the screen at me. Size matters.

Later on Sunday night I talked Kh into going to the craft store. I actually spent less than I’ve ever spent there before. I was in absolute shock when the girl at the register told me the total. Under $70, and I still walked away with a bag full of random crap.

We did a few more errands and got sushi take out.

Once I stuffed my face we started to finish watching Sinister. We had tried to watch it Saturday night, but Kh got incredibly quiet and asked me if I wanted to keep watching it. Which is totally a signal for “holy fuck this is freaking my shit out can I turn it off?!”

I wasn’t really that impressed by it. It was quite predictable, all the way down to how the ending was going to play out. A few scenes were a bit freaky, but nothing I hadn’t seen before. I’m usually more terrified than I was when there are kids involved in any paranormal psycho thrill kill kind of movies. 

And now it’s Monday. It’s sunny, and I’ve finished my second cup of coffee, bring it on.

xo 

it's not a question or an answer, but it will change your mind

This weekend was the first long stint of being alone I’ve had in quite some time. Was it relaxing? Not in the least.

I spent most of Saturday hanging out with two of my favorite Chihuahua clients. We watched Lifetime movies and ate goldfish crackers. Well, I ate the crackers, I don’t share.

I don’t have cable at my house, and have never really wanted it. Especially after my old roommate would get high as a kite and watch marathons for hours but never pay her half of the cable bill. Anywayyyys. I watched some terrible movie about a woman whose boyfriend beat her up and gave her amnesia and then lied to her about the two being engaged so he could get her fortune. I know, you’re already hooked right?

Afterwards a local photographer friend came over to try out some new (expired) Polaroid film he had purchased and to get some old Polaroid cameras I was giving to him. We took a few digital shots as back up as well.

I'd show you some of the film shots but I showed more skin than I'm about to show on this blog. At least for now. Nothing wrong with a little peek-a-cheek. 

Oh - and he gave me a book he put a few of my photos in. I love helping out local artists. It makes the 3rd book I've been in within the past year. 

I haven’t been sleeping very well since Kh went out of town. I had a couple of glasses of wine, took the dogs out for potty time before bed, and was so looking forward to passing the hell out Saturday night. Do you think it went down that way? Of courseeee not. 

I go to put on my pajamas and finally go to bed when what do I see? A big old pee spot right in the middle of Kh’s pillow. Now I know I didn’t crawl up on that bed, drop my pants and piss on it. I know Kh didn’t pee on it before she left. For one, it was real fresh, and for two she’s just not that kind of girl. Aweeesomeee. At least it didn't get on the bed. I would have been real mad.

Sunday I was just so damn exhausted I tried to do as little as possible. I had a few clients I had to see, and couldn’t drag myself away from pixel people. I’m obsessed. I get off the internet to go to bed, and then play on the internet on my phone in bed. For a couple of hours. 

Tonight I did what I absolutely hate more than anything, household chores. It was mostly to stop myself from falling asleep on the couch at 6:30pm. When I went into the bedroom to fold some laundry, I found a present from one of my dogs. A nice pile of puke. Right on top of my clean towels. Have I said aweeesomeee yet in this post? Cause that's what it was. 

Next weekend you’ll hear all about how drunk I got. That’s for damn sure.

xo