i can feel it but it wont let it drag me down

 I realized this past weekend I can no longer party like I’m 21. This isn’t quite a new revelation, but more like one that’s been instilled in me so hopefully I don’t forget so quickly.

Friday night was the Nico Vega show at a venue this side of the river. Meaning, I didn’t have to go in to Boston to see it. The show itself was phenomenal. I didn’t know the opening band, nor the band after them, so we mostly just drank to take up the time when they weren’t on. First big mistake there.

The show itself was one of the best performances I’ve seen in a while. Energetic, interactive, and they played a few of my favorite songs.  After the show a bearded burly little man came running up to us to show us his tit that Aja had signed. His ex-but still friends – boyfriend came after. We became drunk friends. Second big mistake. 

 What followed was drunken hair talk, exchanging of numbers, and shots. Shots of jager.

We left the venue and started walking home. We parted ways with our drunken gay entourage and while waiting for a car service to pick us up, I decided throwing up all over would be the best idea. I got some on my shirt so naturally changed into the shirt I had just bought at the concert. This is where I really felt like I was 20 again.

The car driver was convinced KH was going to puke everywhere but I reassured him he just needed to drive faster and put down a window. I bet I was so convincing.

I got home and had to make mac and cheese while sitting on my friend who I woke up the moment I walked in the house. I only let him be when I decided I had to ravage my girlfriend.

The next day can be summed up in this.

I couldn’t sit up so I ate my breakfast sandwich off my chest.

It was rough. Until around 7pm, when I felt well enough to drive up to Salem to eat fried shrimp and ice cream. Delicious, and I want more. 

Sunday thankfully I awoke with a new lease on life, and not feeling nearly as hungover as Saturday. We went out for brunch, came home and napped, and then went to see Elysium. Pfffftt, is my review of it.

Just what we need, another movie where a man saves the world and his woman counterpart is helpless in the plight.

We also forced ourselves to watch the season finale of True Blood. This season has really been tough on me. I want to keep loving the show, but it’s just hard. I will forever love Alcide however, especially with his shirt off.

It’s Monday. I feel slightly like shit still, and do not want to have this week start. Isn’t there a pause button? My days are moving to fast for me.

xo

i will be right to you

Weeeee! It’s Friday! The mornings have been chilly, my days are becoming less humid, and I don’t have a lot of work to do this weekend. So needless to say I am in a great fucking mood. Even if I have managed to spill my coffee all over myself 3 times this morning.

This weekend is looking to be quite promising.

Tonight, I’m going to see NicoVega. Fucking yay. I'm going to drink a beer. Or several.

 My good friend is in town, which means I get a haircut. I’m split right down the middle between wanting to cut my hair off, and to keep growing it out. Ughh. Life’s hair decisions are hard. I’m just getting sick of pulling out hamster sized balls of hair from my butt crack when I get out of the shower.

Sunday we’re planning a girl’s day. Brunch, flea marketing, possible amusement park adventures, and seafood eating. That last bit no one else is aware of, but I’m going to get a lobster roll this weekend. It’s going to happen.

Other minor details: I’m putting down a deposit on my next tattoo, since my hands are almost healed. As usual I’m not telling anyone what it is. I like my secrets. 

They're going to need some touch ups, but overall they healed quite nicely. Leave it to me to always get tattooed in the hardest to heal/most likely to fall out places. 

And I can’t stop online shopping. I’ve started to put together my dream vanity (even though I don’t have a vanity..) set, in the hopes I’ll stop throwing my clothes on top of my dresser. It's just really convenient when you don't want to put things away..

I gave in and bought a vintage porcelain glove mold to hang my jewelry on. I can not wait for this stuff to get here. 

I also did some massive buying from Forever 27. My new obsession? Printed harem pants. Weird.

This post brought to you by too much coffee, the letter R, and the end of Summer.

What's new in your world? 

xo

getting lost in the miles

Ok, ok. Yesterday morning I sat down with my coffee fully prepared to disclose my weekend adventures, when I just lost interest and got sucked into work. Work that I really should have been working on weeks ago, but lost interest in that as well.

I’ve been going through a bit of a rut for a while now. Issues in my relationship, feeling not whole as a person, and combating with what feels right to continue with in my life. So, naturally I did what I always do when I feel bogged down and lost, I got in a car (a rental, my car would have fallen apart 20 miles into the adventure) and drove back to New York. I can’t remember the last time I visited with my family, and the day before it was my mom’s birthday. Off I went!

I had almost completely forgotten how recharging it is to me to drive for miles on end. To open the windows, sing along to songs on the radio, and lose myself in the journey.

I planned it so my brother drove up from where he lives as well to surprise my mom. It’s usually my way of doing things, I tell very few people I’m coming into town and surprise my family. It worked. We had dinner and general tomfoolery that comes with getting together. I spent just enough time with them to qualify it as quality time, but not enough to drive me crazy.

Later that night I went to see one of my (used to be) closest friends. I hadn’t seen him in 3 ½ years. We had a huge falling out, which took years to mend. We went out for a few drinks and tried to catch up as best we could. It was heart wrenching, and I’m still working out the feeling of what we had lost that can’t quite be fixed. It’s never easy to realize a close friendship is broken.

On the drive back home I multi-tasked between crying, singing along to 90’s pop songs, and indulging in fast food French fries.

Monday night turned into a long relationship talk with the girlfriend. I’m still reeling from all the emotional exhaustion I’ve felt for the past few days, and mostly just want to keep myself busy so I don’t think about any of it. I'm terrible when it comes to letting emotions sink in. I even ordered checks yesterday. Checks, like from a bank. From a miserable woman that couldn’t stop chewing on her mouth, might I add.

I’m trying to move towards the beginning of August with a new found sense of clarity and realization. Trying to find my footing, and push forward in my goals, not letting anything get in my way while also finding the right decision on matters that may be hard.

In a slightly lighthearted turn of events, I’ve scheduled my next tattoo appointment tomorrow. I’ve already been plunged headfirst into work, and need to really start prioritizing what keeps me sane. Going 8 weeks between having a full day off is not one of those things.

xo 

secret surprise birthday party shenanigans and other weekend happenings

I have been absolutely dying to talk about this. Dying!

In May I started making plans to have a surprise birthday for Kh. I made party reservations at our favorite local bar, got in touch with her friends, and started stockpiling gifts on the sly.

She had a crazy work event that took up the time around her birthday, so we had it this past Saturday. Finally! Talk about stressful, holding back big plans like that. I was a nervous wreck the past few weeks in anticipation. 

 

Saturday we spent the whole day hanging out with one of my clients while they unloaded their moving van. He’s a 150lb St. Bernard, that just so happens he can’t go up stairs. I live on the second floor of my apartment.. so we took a long walk around a pond, then sat in a park and had some lunch with him. 

The party happened on Saturday night, and it went so well. I can finally relax. We had friends come in from out of town, including my best friend who came in from NYC. She spent all day with us and Kh had no idea she was here for her party. Phew, that takes some skill!

I barely got any photos; I was to busy mingling and enjoying the night. Kh’s good friend made nutella frosting cupcakes, and gluten free brownies. So amazing!

Sunday we went out for brunch. We didn’t plan very properly and it took somewhere close to 2hours before we actually ate. That’s pretty typical of The Friendly Toast on a weekend. I had all the beverages ever, including a mimosa made out of grapefruit juice instead of oj. It was delicious! I also tried my first bloody mary, spicy!

While waiting for our food we saw a giant poof of flame shoot out of the kitchen. Apparently a can of something or another got to close to the grill and exploded. We were too comatose with hunger to really care and just stared at the smoke in the room.

After what turned into lunch we laid around the apartment napping. I had a couple of clients staying over so it was small dog city in my apartment. 

I got Kh a few wet taxidermy specimens for her bday. A squid head, leeches, and rat feet(which aren't pictured).

 Now it's back to work. It was over 90degrees today, and I was quite sure I was dying. I got to take the worlds second longest nap, made hot dogs on the grill, and painted sugar skulls for a few hours.  

I want my weekend to hurry up and get here again. 

xo
 

catching up; my weekend shenanigans

Kh had her birthday earlier in the month, and I decided to turn every weekend this month into an extended birthday celebration for her. So far it's working out quite well.

Last Friday night we went to our favorite bar, one we don't get to frequent to often. I managed to put 5 Dark and Stormy's to my face. Five.

Saturday morning I affectionately referred to them as Devils Juice. All the while Kh told me I wreaked of ginger beer. I guess that's better than rum, like some drunken sailor.. eh?

I finished up most of my work earlier in the day, so we could head up to Salem and spend the rest of the day eating.

Our first stop was Salem Willows. It's essentially a boardwalk with arcades, and varying food stands. Chinese food to ice cream, they have any form of disgusting food you'd want. Including fried oreos. It reminds me of the Jersey Shore.. Except not.

 Fried shrimp, a hot dog and fries.. Destroyed it. Afterward we were chatting away when I catch a glimpse of something creeping up behind us. I figured it was another person that doesn't understand personal space, but no.. It was this creeping seagull. 

I threw my shrimp tails at him, the first one hitting him square upside the head. He barely even flinched, and it took him a while to go after it. 

To work off some of the food we just inhaled, and make room for ice cream we played in the arcades. 

Kh had her fortune told by Zoltan. Who had a complete contradiction to the other fortune teller mannequin head. She told me my lucky color was white. I'd probably have to disagree. 

After sufficiently eating everything and playing every game ever, including pinball which apparently I'm fantastic at, we went to our other favorite spot to visit while in Salem. 

They have a cheese plate that I'm pretty much in love with. Particularly the mustard ale cheese. I wanted to order 4 chunks of it and squirrel it away in my purse. Kh found it online for $20 a wheel.. She always ruins all my fun. 

I was that person eating bread and drinking gluten free beer. I wanted to find another option so I didn't feel quite as sick/bloaty afterward. I completely threw my low carb/low sugar diet out the window over the weekend, and damn was I glad to. 

This weekend I have another fun plans set into motion, but I'm keeping them hush hush. Loose lips sink ships. 

xo

and i'm back

This was me. On a beach in Mexico. Mexico gave me Robert Smith hair.

My four day vacation in paradise has come to an end. We got home around 10pm last night, and have been doing what everyone does after vacation.. Going through a little shell shock at trying to get back into ordinary life, unpacking, and doing so much laundry that I'm sure won't get put away for another week or more. And recouping from a stomach bug that hit me early this morning. I'll spare you the gory details.

I can't quite express how amazing the entire experience was just yet. I'm piecing together the words. I felt a wild awakening inside of me that I haven't felt stir in quite some time. There was something freeing about putting your feet in the ocean and knowing you were no where near home.

I'll have pictures galore once this slight stomach bug I caught decides to let me really get back to my life.

xo

im ready for my vacation now, just dont make me try on anymore swimsuits

I’ve mentioned it about a million times, but this coming Friday I leave for a four-day weekend in Mexico.

I’m pretty much beside myself and can’t function as a normal human being until I’m on that plane.

We have someone staying at our house to watch the girls (aka our dogs), all of my clients are aware I’ll be away, I have my away message all raring to be put on display, and holy crap I need to be away already.

Last night Kh and I got a little over zealous and looked at 600+ photos of the resort we’ll be staying at on TripAdvisor.  I needed to get a better idea of what I should plan on wearing, I know, a little silly right?

I bought 5 pairs of shoes for this upcoming trip, or rather Summer in general really. 4 pairs of sandals, and one pair of wedges. This isn’t including the pair of sandals I bought last minute at an end of season sale last Fall. I probably only plan on bringing 4 pairs with me, however. Kh doesn’t think that’s reasonable, but I completely do.

On her way home this past Friday she stopped in to H&M real quick to get some shorts and dress pants for herself and ended up buying me a vacation purse. I’m pretty much the luckiest girl ever. She knows my style so well she can buy things for me. Uh, true love.

I also found this super cute maxi dress at Kohls, surprisingly enough. It has multi-color triangles on the bottom. While shocking it’s not all black, I’m pretty much in love with it.It's in the top right, the others just didn't do it for me.

Tomorrow when my household settles down a bit more, I plan on doing some last minute shopping. I need to get at least two more bathing suit tops (shoot me now, kay?), and one (who am I kidding, a couple more) maxi dresses.

I’m mentally preparing myself for the saga that is trying on a swimsuit. A couple of years ago I found the cutest two-piece, tank/halter top swimsuit in the maternity section at Target. Do I care its maternity? Not in the slightest. It’s got a scalloped edge on the bottoms and fits my curves.

On my last adventure to Target I thought I’d try on a few (4) bathing suits to humor myself. And humor myself it did not. The two that humored me the least?

The first one was a one-piece, with a built in padded bra situation. The particular size I was trying on fit me great in the mid section. But if you cast your eyes lower you’d look upon the forming of a camel toe, and if your eyes wandered upwards you’d find my boobs strangely getting choked down, but not even remotely filling up the padded cups that were sewn haphazardly into the top of the swimsuit. Like some kind of stretched out taffy with a ping pong ball in the end. And by ping pong ball I mean a nipple and my hard boob parts.

The second one was a black halter top that fit great, but the bottom portion of it let me say hello to my old friend camel toe that I had just seen a glimpse of previously. It also strangely rode up my butt crack and wouldn’t even come close to middle of my hips.

I left Target feeling like I had been slapped with a heavy dose of body shame and sprinkled with some self-loathing. Do you know how I changed it?

I got naked. Stood in front of my mirror and said “fuck you Target bathing suits.”

Of course I waited until I was home to do all of the above-mentioned naked shenanigans. But that’s generally what I do when I’m having a day when I feel less than or some how not fully whole as a result from shitty fitting rooms and ill fitting clothing.

So in closing. I’m going to fucking Mexico in 5 days and my mind is completely shot. I will be sitting my ass in a chair, on a gorgeous beach, drinking before noon, and writing in one of my many blank notebooks. I plan on clearing my head, centering myself, and probably drinking too much and chasing an iguana around.

xo

i need a month of weekends

It's Wednesday. I woke up this morning thinking it was Friday, and I was beyond heartbroken when reality set in. I have 16 days left until we leave for Mexico. I am so ready for this vacation. I'm almost afraid to return from it and have to get back into daily living.

I've been having some fantastic weekends as of late. Lets start with the last weekend in April shall we?

Kh and I took a day trip to a local Zoo. Ok, not so much a day trip as it's literally 10 minutes from our house. It was a pretty sad excuse for a zoo, and I'm still convinced most of the animals were trying to kill themselves.

The flamingo enclosure smelled like fishy poop death, which was heightened by the intense body odor emitting from a few of our fellow onlookers. We got to see a tiny bat almost pee on his own face while hanging upside down, that was pretty funny. 

Kh was pretty entertained with the llamas, and the monkeys. I found this pretty awesome wood carving.

I asked Kh to take a picture of me. Kh has this habit of taking a million pictures of me, in every single state of talking. Goofing off, mouthing back at her, and doing my impression of what I usually end up looking like. 

 I think the bottom left shows off my personality quite well. 

After the Zoo we went up to Salem to grab some lunch. We sat outside and soaked up some more sunshine. And drank some beer. Obviously.

This past weekend we wandered around Somerville Open Studios. My friend Janine over at Salvage Love was participating. She has some amazing reclaimed wooden art, refurnished furniture and jewelry. She also had beer and some wine, so that was an added bonus. 

Later in the night we went to our favorite restaurant with some friends. We gorged ourselves on yummy food, and our waitress/bartender/owner kept bringing us sample drinks. 

Since I'm on the topic of weekends. This coming weekend we're going to be celebrating our two friends graduation from law school. Fancy cocktails and good food. I'll probably even con Kh into going shopping for Mexico attire. 

xo

my only weakness is a listed crime

I woke up this morning hoping it was an extra weekend day, but it wasn’t. I’m also a day closer to my birthday, and the combination of these two facts made me feel like hiding out under the covers. At least for an extra hour.

My weekend was one of those low-key barely do anything but spend all the money in the world kind of weekends.

For the first time in a while Kh and I went out for drinks and dinner. But mostly drinks Friday night. I had a beer, and some wine. Beer = not such a good idea for me. Throwing up all night is awesome. 

I have a gluten intolerance. I love beer more than I could ever love a child born from my own womb, but I can't drink it. And GF beer makes me want to hurl just thinking about it. 

Saturday I had a bazillion little work related things to do, and barely slept Friday night. Which translates to.. I took a nap in the afternoon. Boooya. It was pretty great, I must admit.

After my sleeping beauty goal was complete, we went to Target to pick up “all those things” that we had been running out of but refused to make trips to the store for. Those few things turned into a cart load of money symbols dancing around.

It never fails. I always end up buying the same few things when I go to Target. Panties, and makeup. Sometimes I mix it up and buy a shirt, dress, or pants. But generally panties and some form of makeup makes it’s way into my basket.

You’d think my dresser would be overrun with panties at this point, but I think someone in the apartment below me monitors when I’m doing my laundry and steals some of them out of the dryer. Pantie thief! I still can’t find my favorite black pair from my last Target excursion.. Oh well, look at the cute Spring colors I have now to replace them.

It was time for me to replace my favorite pink and red lipstick as well.

I was a bit disappointed in their clothing selection. How is that no matter what level of self love you have for yourself at the point in which you cross the threshold into a Target dressing room, it’s ripped away from you the second you look at yourself in the changing room mirrors? I also felt real old shopping in the Juniors section and over hearing this conversation.

“Ok, like you totally have to pick out clothes for me, and I’ll totally pick out clothes for you. You know what I mean?”

“Totally.”

I always try things on, and then think it over before buying them. I’m liking the striped dress and the floral one.

Lets just skip right to Sunday. I made Kh leave the house early, we grabbed coffee and egg sandwiches at our favorite café then did the most horrible thing in the world.. Grocery shopping at Trader Joes on a Sunday morning. Even early, it was terrible. Everyone turns into savage beasts when trying to get their bags of broccoli, and their bananas.

We survived. And went shopping.. again. This time, I hated it but Kh was real into it.

I realized one thing; peplum shirts make my boobs look ginormous. I even tried on one of those mesh insert peplum shirts, which just made them even more gigantic. Bam! 

 I had a few misses.The one on the right I liked, but it had a busted seam in the front. And the left one was to short in the front.

But ended up getting these three shirts. For under $40. And a pair of black skinny jeans, on sale for $19. I love being cheap.

Here's to another Monday. 

xo