Oh, to get away.
The few weeks before my vacation I found
myself getting annoyed. Irritated. Irrationally angry at everything. I drop my
pen, and a minute long freak out ensues. I couldn’t figure out what was going
on with me. My insides felt horribly scrambled, like the eggs I’m thinking
about making for breakfast. I couldn’t direct my own voice to make its way out
of my head, so it just bounced around inside shattering things and making me
feel like I was losing it.
Then vacation hit. We had four days
away from work, home, and every other stress that happened to be seeping into
my life. And you know what I realized? While walking on the tightly packed sand
just where the ocean hits the beach, I realized it was stress making me lose my
mind.
Oh! Right, that’s what stress feels
like.
I had made this business venture to
gain more control over my own schedule, my own life. To limit myself and be
able to nourish the other parts of me creatively that had been sucked dry by so
many years of slaving away for someone else’s agenda.
I haven’t been sticking true to my
original agenda or myself. In three months I managed to let clients start
walking all over me and business seep into my personal life. I’ve been going 3
weeks at a time without a full day off, and last minute client requests
completely dovetailing my days.
My first thought when I got home
from vacation? This shit has got to stop.
So I made two lists.
A. Shit that stresses me out.
B. Shit I need to do more often.
List A includes such topics as: Not
adding to my savings each month. Taking on last minute new clients. Putting too
much on my workload twice a week. Taking on clients that are to far out of my
coverage zone. Agreeing to twice a day visits during the week. Never having a
day off. Needy clients that are not manageable.
List B. Take days off. Go swimming.
Take day trips. Plan to take one full weekend off from work each month during
the Summer. Have more sex. Read. Unplug from technology. Sit on my back porch. Stop eating
shit that’s not that great for me (gluten you’re such a bitch). Be more
spontaneous. Enjoy time with Kh. Set office hours, when I’m reachable and when
I’m not.
I’m starting to already put things
into motion to limit my stress each day. I’ve had a stomach bug since coming
back from Mexico, and lemme tellyasomfin, it’s triggered a lot by stress. That
on top of my other health issues, it’s just no bueno to feel the physical
effects of something that can be managed like stress.
This weekend I vow to have a stress
free time. Sleep in. Make a big breakfast, get work done at my own pace, and
celebrate Kh’s birthday (even if it’s just a tiny celebration for now). I might
even try to get her to head into Boston to see the Pride Parade. I’ve been
trying for 2 years now, maybe this year will be the one?
xo
Good on you!
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