Friday, June 7, 2013

when stress stresses me out i make lists

Oh, to get away.

The few weeks before my vacation I found myself getting annoyed. Irritated. Irrationally angry at everything. I drop my pen, and a minute long freak out ensues. I couldn’t figure out what was going on with me. My insides felt horribly scrambled, like the eggs I’m thinking about making for breakfast. I couldn’t direct my own voice to make its way out of my head, so it just bounced around inside shattering things and making me feel like I was losing it.

Then vacation hit. We had four days away from work, home, and every other stress that happened to be seeping into my life. And you know what I realized? While walking on the tightly packed sand just where the ocean hits the beach, I realized it was stress making me lose my mind.

Oh! Right, that’s what stress feels like.

I had made this business venture to gain more control over my own schedule, my own life. To limit myself and be able to nourish the other parts of me creatively that had been sucked dry by so many years of slaving away for someone else’s agenda.

I haven’t been sticking true to my original agenda or myself. In three months I managed to let clients start walking all over me and business seep into my personal life. I’ve been going 3 weeks at a time without a full day off, and last minute client requests completely dovetailing my days.

My first thought when I got home from vacation? This shit has got to stop.

So I made two lists.

A. Shit that stresses me out.
B. Shit I need to do more often.

List A includes such topics as: Not adding to my savings each month. Taking on last minute new clients. Putting too much on my workload twice a week. Taking on clients that are to far out of my coverage zone. Agreeing to twice a day visits during the week. Never having a day off. Needy clients that are not manageable. 

List B. Take days off. Go swimming. Take day trips. Plan to take one full weekend off from work each month during the Summer. Have more sex. Read. Unplug from technology. Sit on my back porch. Stop eating shit that’s not that great for me (gluten you’re such a bitch). Be more spontaneous. Enjoy time with Kh. Set office hours, when I’m reachable and when I’m not.

I’m starting to already put things into motion to limit my stress each day. I’ve had a stomach bug since coming back from Mexico, and lemme tellyasomfin, it’s triggered a lot by stress. That on top of my other health issues, it’s just no bueno to feel the physical effects of something that can be managed like stress.

This weekend I vow to have a stress free time. Sleep in. Make a big breakfast, get work done at my own pace, and celebrate Kh’s birthday (even if it’s just a tiny celebration for now). I might even try to get her to head into Boston to see the Pride Parade. I’ve been trying for 2 years now, maybe this year will be the one?


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