im ready for my vacation now, just dont make me try on anymore swimsuits

I’ve mentioned it about a million times, but this coming Friday I leave for a four-day weekend in Mexico.

I’m pretty much beside myself and can’t function as a normal human being until I’m on that plane.

We have someone staying at our house to watch the girls (aka our dogs), all of my clients are aware I’ll be away, I have my away message all raring to be put on display, and holy crap I need to be away already.

Last night Kh and I got a little over zealous and looked at 600+ photos of the resort we’ll be staying at on TripAdvisor.  I needed to get a better idea of what I should plan on wearing, I know, a little silly right?

I bought 5 pairs of shoes for this upcoming trip, or rather Summer in general really. 4 pairs of sandals, and one pair of wedges. This isn’t including the pair of sandals I bought last minute at an end of season sale last Fall. I probably only plan on bringing 4 pairs with me, however. Kh doesn’t think that’s reasonable, but I completely do.

On her way home this past Friday she stopped in to H&M real quick to get some shorts and dress pants for herself and ended up buying me a vacation purse. I’m pretty much the luckiest girl ever. She knows my style so well she can buy things for me. Uh, true love.

I also found this super cute maxi dress at Kohls, surprisingly enough. It has multi-color triangles on the bottom. While shocking it’s not all black, I’m pretty much in love with it.It's in the top right, the others just didn't do it for me.

Tomorrow when my household settles down a bit more, I plan on doing some last minute shopping. I need to get at least two more bathing suit tops (shoot me now, kay?), and one (who am I kidding, a couple more) maxi dresses.

I’m mentally preparing myself for the saga that is trying on a swimsuit. A couple of years ago I found the cutest two-piece, tank/halter top swimsuit in the maternity section at Target. Do I care its maternity? Not in the slightest. It’s got a scalloped edge on the bottoms and fits my curves.

On my last adventure to Target I thought I’d try on a few (4) bathing suits to humor myself. And humor myself it did not. The two that humored me the least?

The first one was a one-piece, with a built in padded bra situation. The particular size I was trying on fit me great in the mid section. But if you cast your eyes lower you’d look upon the forming of a camel toe, and if your eyes wandered upwards you’d find my boobs strangely getting choked down, but not even remotely filling up the padded cups that were sewn haphazardly into the top of the swimsuit. Like some kind of stretched out taffy with a ping pong ball in the end. And by ping pong ball I mean a nipple and my hard boob parts.

The second one was a black halter top that fit great, but the bottom portion of it let me say hello to my old friend camel toe that I had just seen a glimpse of previously. It also strangely rode up my butt crack and wouldn’t even come close to middle of my hips.

I left Target feeling like I had been slapped with a heavy dose of body shame and sprinkled with some self-loathing. Do you know how I changed it?

I got naked. Stood in front of my mirror and said “fuck you Target bathing suits.”

Of course I waited until I was home to do all of the above-mentioned naked shenanigans. But that’s generally what I do when I’m having a day when I feel less than or some how not fully whole as a result from shitty fitting rooms and ill fitting clothing.

So in closing. I’m going to fucking Mexico in 5 days and my mind is completely shot. I will be sitting my ass in a chair, on a gorgeous beach, drinking before noon, and writing in one of my many blank notebooks. I plan on clearing my head, centering myself, and probably drinking too much and chasing an iguana around.

xo