at least it's not monday anymore, or my awkward moment of the week

My least favorite, and by far the most awkward part of my job, is the client consultations. It’s one of those necessary evils. If I want new clients, I have to make time to meet said new clients.

And meeting said clients takes place in their homes, with just me and them in attendance. Kh refuses to go with me, I can't blame her. These things suck. I thankfully have only had one instance where I felt incredibly uncomfortable.  For the most part, I just see a lot of dirty houses, clutter, or meticulously cleaned apartments.

Last night I had my first crotch shot.

Ok let me back track. I scheduled a client consultation for 6:30pm. I spent the better half of my afternoon with the time 5:30 stuck in my head, boy was I heart broken when I realized I can’t keep track of shit and I was way off.

We had a heavy downpour just as I’m walking out to my car. I get in, look at my directions once more and then drive off. All the while sheets of rain are pouring down on my windshield, the wet spots on my jeans are now cold in the warm air from my car.

I arrive just outside the woman’s apartment 20 minutes early. I call my mom and chat with her about absolutely nothing until I can head inside.

I ring the doorbell and hear footsteps coming down the entryway staircase. A tall, slender woman in her mid-30’s greets me. She’s wearing a red dress that’s tight on top, flowy on the bottom and a belt that can’t seem to get tight enough around her tiny waist. She’s wearing sandal wedges, which helps her be at least 5” taller than me.

I greet her politely and shake her hand. She heads up the stairs first, thankfully. I hate it when I have to navigate my way to a place I’ve never been before.

We go on a hunt to find both of the cats. One of them is lying in her room on her blindingly white bed. I have to step over piles of clothes and shoes to get to the cats. I wasn’t prepared for an obstacle course. We stand there awkwardly chatting, me trying to ignore the giant mosquito netting she has hanging above her bed, until I finally push the meeting along and ask to see the rest of their stuff.

Fast forward to us in the kitchen. She drops the bomb that I need to visit twice a day and one of the cats needs medication. It’s always something, and people don’t like to tell you beforehand.

I have a lot of experience administrating medications to pets, but she decides to show me how the cat takes his pill. She puts the pill inside a ‘pill shooter’ and kneels down to try and coax him over.

So here’s the mental image. The tall sinewy woman in her flowy red dress, kneeling, no, squatting, with her butt touching the backs of her heels. Her legs are close together as she continues to try and talk this cat into coming closer to her.

The next several of minutes go down like this.

The cat slowly starts to saunter over to her, all the while her legs spread farther apart. Soon she has the cat facing me between her legs, with her legs wide open. The red flowy dress is not helping her in this situation, as it’s caught on her knees.

The cats face is directly blocking my view of her crotch. I don’t think she has underwear on.

My first instinct is to stand up and start looking at something else.

My second instinct is to see if she actually has underwear on.

I go with my second instinct. I shift my focus back and am completely relieved to see she has peach colored underwear on. Ok, slightly less awkward.

I stand up and try to make talking to her as painless as possible. I try to make sure my expression doesn’t convey “Ok lady I just saw your pantie crotch shot.”

She shows me how to use a set of keys, and I make a b-line for the door.

The monthly award for most awkward client consultation goes to this one.

xo

when stress stresses me out i make lists

Oh, to get away.

The few weeks before my vacation I found myself getting annoyed. Irritated. Irrationally angry at everything. I drop my pen, and a minute long freak out ensues. I couldn’t figure out what was going on with me. My insides felt horribly scrambled, like the eggs I’m thinking about making for breakfast. I couldn’t direct my own voice to make its way out of my head, so it just bounced around inside shattering things and making me feel like I was losing it.

Then vacation hit. We had four days away from work, home, and every other stress that happened to be seeping into my life. And you know what I realized? While walking on the tightly packed sand just where the ocean hits the beach, I realized it was stress making me lose my mind.

Oh! Right, that’s what stress feels like.

I had made this business venture to gain more control over my own schedule, my own life. To limit myself and be able to nourish the other parts of me creatively that had been sucked dry by so many years of slaving away for someone else’s agenda.

I haven’t been sticking true to my original agenda or myself. In three months I managed to let clients start walking all over me and business seep into my personal life. I’ve been going 3 weeks at a time without a full day off, and last minute client requests completely dovetailing my days.

My first thought when I got home from vacation? This shit has got to stop.

So I made two lists.

A. Shit that stresses me out.

B. Shit I need to do more often.

List A includes such topics as: Not adding to my savings each month. Taking on last minute new clients. Putting too much on my workload twice a week. Taking on clients that are to far out of my coverage zone. Agreeing to twice a day visits during the week. Never having a day off. Needy clients that are not manageable. 

List B. Take days off. Go swimming. Take day trips. Plan to take one full weekend off from work each month during the Summer. Have more sex. Read. Unplug from technology. Sit on my back porch. Stop eating shit that’s not that great for me (gluten you’re such a bitch). Be more spontaneous. Enjoy time with Kh. Set office hours, when I’m reachable and when I’m not.

I’m starting to already put things into motion to limit my stress each day. I’ve had a stomach bug since coming back from Mexico, and lemme tellyasomfin, it’s triggered a lot by stress. That on top of my other health issues, it’s just no bueno to feel the physical effects of something that can be managed like stress.

This weekend I vow to have a stress free time. Sleep in. Make a big breakfast, get work done at my own pace, and celebrate Kh’s birthday (even if it’s just a tiny celebration for now). I might even try to get her to head into Boston to see the Pride Parade. I’ve been trying for 2 years now, maybe this year will be the one?

xo

stream of conscious sundays : i'm self employed

 

For the past 6 months I have been working effortlessly to get to this point. I’ve put in a lot of long hours, and weeks without a day off. Overbooking myself, and very rarely ever-saying no to new work. Tomorrow marks the beginning of being 100% self-employed.

I haven’t thought much about it, but everyone I know has been pretty excited for me. I’m not accustomed to getting excited for myself. I knew a couple of things going into this.

One. There was no way in hell I’d ever be able to work for someone else again.

Two. I’ve really found something that makes me happy and I’m not dreading going to work each day.

I have strong opinions on all of that, but let me move in a different direction.

It finally clicked when my mom gave me probably the first advice she’s ever given me.

No one is going to go after what you want in life.

Done. Cicked. It’s a moto I’ve always lived by, but I needed to hear it come from someone else.

I had been struggling with the idea of going on my own for a while, and after a few irritations from the woman I was doing work for, I knew it was time. I sent her a very formal email last Sunday evening, and didn’t hear a single word from her all week. Professional, right? 

Thursday night I turn my phone on silent (I do this when I want everyone to just bugger off) and left it in the other room. When I look at it again I had a text from this woman, and 2 hours later I had 3 missed phone calls and a voicemail. It was over the most insignificant thing regarding a client I had seen that day. Mostly if I had written a note on a second visit or not. I ignore it, not really wanting to talk to the woman that’s been avoiding me all week.

About 10 minutes later I get a phone call from Kh. I’m surprised to hear from her so early (she was in California time working her butt off and I haven’t heard much from her). She informs me that she has just gotten a phone call from this woman that I hadn’t responded to. The woman said she was looking for me but I wasn’t responding to her messages. Are you motherlicking kidding me? At this point my blood absolutely boils over. You can’t reach me over the phone, for the most insignificant issue you can think of after you’ve been avoiding me and don’t even have the professional decency to respond to my email, but you’ll call my girl friend while she’s out of town to see where I am? Instead of emailing me? Rude and slightly crazy. 

I somehow managed to keep my cool and not completely rip her apart. I let her know it wasn’t necessary to call my girlfriend on such a small issue. That everything she needs from me will be sitting in my mailbox after 4pm tomorrow.

Then I immediately went over the million reasons why I’m so glad I won’t be involved in dealings with her any farther. If you missed it, she’s the insta-crazy I had to block on instagram.

Friday afternoon comes, and I get home around 3:15. I drive up to my house only to see her parked in front of it, just getting off my porch from looking for the keys. I take my time getting out of my car and she comes and stands right next to my door. I give her the keys and she proceeds to go over each and every key. She asks me where 2 keys are and I inform her the owners wanted me to keep the keys. This is where the fun begins.

She starts in by telling me it’s illegal, then quickly changes her tune to say unethical for me to stay with those clients. In most cases I try my hardest to stay professional and friendly, but something clicked in me and I stood my ground. I believe it’s within every pet owners right to choose who cares for their animals. I never signed a non-compete with her, and owe no allegiance to the woman that not once appreciated the work and clients I brought her way. 

She also couldn't comprehend why it was irrational and unnecessary for her to reach out to my girlfriend when not able to contact me for 2 hours on Thursday. She has a track record of not responding to my texts for a day or two, and even failing to respond to clients emails.

I had left notes at all the clients houses the day before letting them know Friday was my last day. She hadn't even informed any of them that I was leaving, so the couple that wanted to stay with me called me Friday morning absolutely insistent on not wanting to lose me. I never once solicited myself to them, nor did I seek them out to stay with me. I can't help it if I'm the cats meow (har har). 

In short, she was pissed off, and I was elated to finally be done with her. It was a long time coming, and I haven’t felt so de-stressed and carefree in a very long time. I quite literally feel like a weight has been lifted off me. It’s amaze-balls. 

This is the beginning of a new chapter in my life. I'm sad it had to end with so much drama on the part of her, but I'm not letting it keep me down. I'm always moving forward and growing. This is my next step forward. 

Hell yes. 

xo