currently: january twenty six two thousand fifteen

[ recent photos from a random photoshoot ]

I seemed to have forgotten to even do a simple post letting the wastelands of cyberspace know what I've been up to. I won't even say lately, as it's been 9 months since I've even posted something remotely like this. Yeah yeah, I suck at this. Life has given me the run around, and I so very easily get trapped inside my own head.

It also doesn't help that I go through periods of being extremely.. introverted and private. At my peak moments, I get weird about even telling someone what I had for breakfast the day before, for fear of them intruding on my life.

But anyways.

Currently.

loving :: 

We're getting hit with quite the snow storm. The streets are all getting dusted with snow, making everything seem brighter yet some how quieter. It's the first real big storm of the season, and due to it all the roads are closed tomorrow and I get an impromptu day off.

A day during the week where I can sit in my pajamas, eat cold pizza for breakfast and take a nap by 1pm? Yeah, I'm loving this idea.

hating :: 

I came down with a cold the beginning of January, and well I still have it.  I don't feel any better, and I don't particularly feel like it's gotten worse. It's just.. there. To stay it would seem. I get winded walking up stairs, I can't talk for more than a sentence or two before I run out of breathe, and this cough? Just shoot me.

reading ::

Special Agent by Candice DeLong

Bad Feminist: Essays 

eating ::

When I got home from work my brother and I went to the store and got $50 worth of beer, and had $50 worth of pizza, wings, and french fries delivered. So, bring on this storm and the leftovers I'll have tomorrow. 

looking forward to :: 

 Sleeping in tomorrow and my first cup of coffee. Those few moments in the morning when I'm getting settled in and take my first sip of coffee.. I can't think of anything better.

Well, maybe that second your head hits your pillow at night right before sleep takes over. That's pretty damn great too.

xo

currently :: may thirty first twenty fourteen

 I’m hoping if I start off with something as simple as what I’ve been up to, maybe the words will find me again and I’ll pay more attention to this corner of the blog world my ghost has inhabited. I also need to put something else up besides the passing of Sophia.

loving://:  

Kh is grocery shopping.. without me! I’m pretty much over the moon about this. I hate going grocery shopping, and I just slow her down so I might as well stay home.

The warm weather that’s made it’s way to us. No more snow and it’s not in the 90’s yet.

The new addition to our family. More on this later. Ekkkk!

Black maxi dress shopping. I will find the perfect one.. oh yes, I will! By one, I mean at least 3 for this summer. It’s my staple. My uniform.. I neeeed them!

not loving so much ://:

I’m pretty bummed that my Saturday is almost over with. My weekends are going by too fast. I really need to take some time off, and get away more often. I’m on the fence about how busy my company’s become in the past two months alone. I had to hire another contractor and have at least 4 consultations a week now.

How much I still miss Sophia. I still dream about her and imagine I see her out of the corner of my eye. My heart hurts.

Wayward friends only contacting me when they want advice/help with something, or it’s convenient for them.

The lack of air conditioning in my car.

hating ://:

Being woken up at 8am by more construction on the apartment below us. 4 months is long enough, I’m over it.

White pants.

Misogyny.  

looking forward to ://:  

We’re going to see Hedwig and The Angry Inch on Broadway in June! I’m so very much looking forward to this. We’re getting a hotel in Manhattan and spending a few days away from it all. I’m hoping my hotel room has a bathtub, that will just make it even more amazing.

Finishing my newest tattoo next Friday.

Let’s hope that will help with my updating more regularly. I have oh so very much to share.

xo

Currently :: two.nineteen.fourteen

Loving ://: The fact Kh just came into the room with another beer, handed it to me and said “This is your 4^th, just so you know.” Ok, so she’s not lying, I have been drinking for the past 3 hours, but it’s not like I’m doing keg stands in my living room. And I’m pretty much in my pajamas.. 

Also.. It’s Corona Light. I’m not going all 4 Guinness deep here. 

Other things I'm loving: my new shirt from Flunklife on Etsy. Leftover Christmas money spending sprees. Beating that level on Candy Crush I've been stuck on for weeks. Late afternoon naps. Honey mustard curry shrimp I made for dinner.

Not Loving So Much ://: The constant construction in the apartment below me is causing all the dust, paint fumes, and anything else that’s happening down there to get blown right up my heating vents into my apartment. It’s leaving a never-ending layer of dust on everything. I do mean absolutely everything. It’s driving me insane. And slowly causing my sinus issues to come back. For shits sake, enough.

Hating ://: Winter. Quite seriously. My seasonal depression is kicking in full swing. I hate the giant mounds of ever blackening snow, the slushy ice on the sidewalks that NO ONE seems to want to take responsibility for clearing away, and the never ending trail of salt that’s been tracked into my house.

Not to mention the fact I don’t ever want to leave my house once I’m inside. Going out to dinner? That means I have to find parking and walk out in this sludge again. No thanks. Goodbye any social life I may have been cultivating in the fall.

Other things on this list: people that call dibs on parking spots they never cleared in the first place. Dealing with clients. The Walking Dead season 4 not being FREE yet. 

Crop tops.

Oh.. and flower crowns. Because.. why?

Looking Forward To ://: My birthday’s next month, and while I really can’t stand my birthday, I’m planning on having a get together where some of my favorite people will hopefully come out for it. The most important of which is my bf from NYC. 

My newest etsy orders of customized perfumes to get here. 

I’m also really looking forward to bed, apparently.

Oh, and my tattoo appointment on Friday.

xo

currently: end of july

Loving. Just about everything. I got the urge to get tattooed again recently, and have since gotten tattooed twice in less than a week.

 
I've been wanting my wishbone forever, and I love it. I've been going to Amanda at Empire Tattoo, and she's fantastic. I have a million more ideas I'll be throwing her way.

Not loving so much. Trying to heal hand tattoos in the start of my work week. What was I thinking? Impulsive.. My moms back in the hospital. My dog has elevated liver enzymes and needs an abdominal scan. My kitchen is infested with fruit flies and I’m waging a war against them. And.. a few other things.

Reading. You can check out this post for a more in-depth look at it all. But I started the Undertaker Tales Sunday, and it gave me nightmares last night. I can’t really blame it on that though, I have been watching a lot of horror movies.. More than usual.

Watching. The Killing. I just realized a couple of weeks ago that it was back on television, and since then I’ve been watching it religiously every week. I love a crime drama, and I’ve been obsessed with this set of characters and storyline since Season 1. 

We’ve also gone to the movies a lot recently. I saw The Conjuring last week, and Pacific Rim (job) this past weekend. Both of which I really enjoyed. A mindless action movie with robots and aliens, and a ghost story featuring the Warrens set in the 70’s? My movie boner was at an all time high.

Working on. Stenciling/hand painting tote bags. Dream catchers, and magnet sets.

Wearing. Jean shorts. A combination of the two things I hate more than anything. But I’m being pretty lazy and it’s been really hot out. I usually look like I have mom butt really bad in shorts, especially of the jean variety.

I bought my first order from asos.com and while I loved the dresses, they didn’t fit. I over estimated the sizing and I was swimming in them. Sent back and waiting for a reorder. I'd like it to just be fall already so I can wear boots and cardigans everywhere.

xo

 

currently: reading list

Mockingjay : Suzanne Collins

I really enjoyed this 3 book series, even after I’ve seen the first movie. I even felt a bit of a loss that this was the final book. I was pleasantly surprised with the way she was able to bring about closure, even after so much gore. This book was gorey. My biggest complaint has always been Ms “woe is me, which guy do I pick” Katniss.

The Historian : Elizabeth Kostova

I got this book for Christmas, and it has taken me that long to finish it. I’ve picked it up and given up on it twice already, including on vacation. I refused to even read it on the plane ride to Mexico, that’s how serious my giving up on it was. I hate leaving books unfinished, so fueled by my internal guilt about not finishing it, I picked it up and finished it within a week.

It was 500 pages of her describing in great detail landscapes, monasteries, libraries, and rehatching out details you already new but in a letter within a story context so that somehow made it different. The italics on this part in particular killed my eyes... The last 100+ pages? The parts that actually mattered? Flew by with barely any detail. Characters came crawling out of the back story like no big thing. It wasn’t terrible, but it didn’t need to be just shy of 700 pages long.

Affinity : Sarah Waters

Not to long ago I read Tipping the Velvet by the same author, and really enjoyed it. It had a lot of lady sex happening in it, and she did a fairly decent job of recounting affections between two women.

This book? I gave up on it a couple of times, but again my guilt kicked in and I had to finish it. I was sorely disappointed. She spent a great deal of time recounting an upper class woman’s day-to-day life in 1874. The longing and uncertainty was well captured, but the lack of real substance made it a hard sell for me. There wasn’t a lot of supernatural nor spookyness about it.

The Devil in the White City : Erik Larson

Another book that took me absolutely forever to finish. The historical basis that sets the background to HH Holmes’ murderous tale couldn’t keep me hooked. Once I was able to get through all of that, the retelling of his capture and sadistic deeds was even a bit lackluster. So much time and effort was put into the beginning of most of these books, I just wish there woud be some follow through.

Railsea : China Mieville

A retelling of Moby Dick, set in another world where the earth is covered in railways and giant moles are hunted like whales. So far an easy read, and the author is quite good at setting up the visuals for this new world.

The Help : Kathryn Stockett

I began listening to this as an audio book, but soon realized I didn’t want to purchase the whole thing as an audio book, and have switched over to reading it. I’m only a couple of chapters in, but so far I like the characters.

Confessions of a Working Girl: A TrueStory : Miss S

Women Who Run With the Wolves : Clarissa Pinkola Estes

Undertaker Tales: What They Don’t Teach You at Mortuary School

I’m especially excited for the books I just purchased. I’ve heard good things about all three of them. I'm trying to curb my appetite for even more books, considering I haven't even gotten these three in the mail yet. 

xo

 

what i want from march | lately

One. My birthday to quietly walk across the stage, bow, and exit without making a big scene. Or hopefully without flipping me off too.

Two. The sun to stay out past 6pm, and to peak its bright ass head out for more than one day during the week. Can I get rid of this seasonal depression already?

Three. Grow hair, grow.

Four. Day trips to eat my favorite cheese platter. Yes, I’d drive 30 minutes to eat a plate of cheese. Maybe even two plates. Mama loves her cheeseeee.

Five. I’d like to sleep in until at least 10am one of these days. My month would be complete if I could spend the rest of that day napping too.

Six. A day off would be amazing. I haven’t had one yet, so give a girl a break.

Seven. The first season of Once Upon A Time to get out of my system. You suck, but I can’t get enough of you knowing there’s always one more I can watch.

Eight. My wine to stop running out. An every other day run to the liquor store is making me look like I have a problem.

Nine. My grandma, and mom to send me my Christmas presents. If they want to save time and send my birthday presents with them, that’d be great too.

Ten. I want to pet a goat. Maybe even a pig too. Even if goats can be assholes and pigs feel weird.

I've been drinking too much beer lately, knowing full well I shouldn't. My hair is unruly and creating it's own rules. Winter is eating my soul alive, and I can only sit back and watch it dine. I'm to tired to put on real clothes, I live out of my car and find my personal time only exists in the morning. I'm having a hard time saying no, but desperately need a date night with my Kh. I'm thinking to much, and saying to little. Running on empty but always feeling too full. March is always a strange month for me. 

xo

just because.. i'll admit

I’ll admit I hate the mustache on everything trend. That applies to beards as well.

I’ll admit I had Domino’s gluten free pineapple pizza for dinner last night and it was fucking delicious.  

I’ll admit I’ve had at least 2 glasses of wine every night this week.

I’ll admit I mostly paint my nails so I don’t bite them.

I’ll admit that I’ve been in my pajamas since 6:30pm.

I’ll admit that I was wearing said pajamas when I took the dogs out for a potty break, and am a little ashamed that my neighbor caught me.

I’ll admit I got sucked into shopping on etsy and two hours went by. Opps. 

I’ll admit I have a bad case of road rage that comes out every time I’m behind the wheel.

I’ll admit I haven’t shaved my legs in months.

I’ll admit I talk to my mom on the phone almost every day, and we still don’t really listen to each other.

 

xo

this is me : currently

(hey. I have shorts on. don't get cheeky)

 

:: Currently ::

Obsessing over ::  

Finding the right time to make a big change, one that will set into motion something I can’t stop for a long time to come. It’ll make me have to take on full responsibility of tasks I can normally default to only being a middle woman on. I’m slightly terrified, and stressing out every second about when’s the right moment. But, there’s never the right moment and you have to just take the plunge and create change for yourself, if you ever want to see changes come. 

And the length of my hair. der.

Working on ::

My website for said change. I’m going over every single detail making sure it’s perfect. Almost obsessively.. So, see above?

My etsy shop. My artwork. My uncanny ability to ignore problems. I’m always a work in progress. 

What if I admitted to the fact I was working on facebook stalking a girl I used to sleep with, would you judge me? What if I said her newest girl friend is close to 10 years younger than her and was totally wearing a completely sheer shirt with a yellow bra while opening presents with her family and it was totally fun to be grossed out in my own head and admit it on my blog?

Thinking about ::

What day this weekend I can spend the entirety of it in my pajamas watching movies I haven’t seen in forever while eating ice cream cake. And probably drinking.

Oh, and the fact I get to sleep the * bleep * in tomorrow.

Anticipating ::

Next Friday when Kh gets home from being away this entire week. She’s only been gone from my sight for about 11 hours and I’m already a huge mopey bitch.

Listening to ::

Absolute silence and it’s AMAZEBALLS. Once in a while a dog will let out a heavy sigh, but even that is tolerable when I have all other sounds turned off. I need this.

Eating/Drinking ::

A tall glass of merlot. With the bottle right next to me. Yes and please. Even though it's having the affects of drinking fermented grape juice. I don't like this kind one bit. Mer.

Wishing ::

I don’t find it’s beneficial to wish on things, as I’ve learned wishing doesn’t bring anything to a culmination..I sound like a cynical old biddy.

Ok, let me try that last one again so I don’t sound so much like a crankfart…

..eh..I wish this wine wasn’t crappy. There! A wish! 

Linking up with The Paper Mama for her Self Photo Challenge!

 

I liked this little link up. I used to be obsessive about taking self portraits as a way to document the ever evolving, ever elusive manifestation that was.. is.. and might always be.. Stephanie Marie. Dun dunn.. Ever since photography school I took a step back and haven’t really done much behind/in front of the camera play. I liked goofing around and getting nothing good out of this photoshoot but still using a shot.

 

One of the dogs just barked and my precious silence is ruined.

xo