shake the ghosts off nightly, or rather my January

You see those? Yeah, those horse sized pills. Those would be the antibiotics I was on for the sinus infection that had been kicking me in the face. From the inside.

That was before my face swelled and I stopped putting mascara on. My eye almost swelled shut. It was intense..

I’ve been sick, in one way or another, for somewhere close to 12 weeks now. There’s nothing worse to me than feeling like a stranger in my own body. I don’t need to describe what being sick feels like,  as we’ve all been there.

January as a whole was pretty uneventful and crappy. I’ve spent the better part of the past year trying to catch up and learning how to incorporate “me” time into my new life. It’s really difficult when you don’t have a separation between home and work. I’m hoping I’ve finally gotten a handle on it and can enjoy more.. me things.

If I even remember what those are anymore. When you go so long depriving yourself of things that used to define you, where do you start rewriting the definition?

My younger brother came to visit in early January. It was a welcomed reprieve for my usual day-to-day life, since I don’t have family that lives close by.

We got a chance to have lunch together, just the two of us. It was really nice getting to commiserate with someone who knows what it’s like having the family that we do, and generally the same feelings towards life as I do. We have the same sense of humor, and Kh sure does put up with it when he’s here. She even said she missed him when he left. The cutest.

I decided that since I’m a grown up, I should be allowed to buy myself little prizes here and there. (As a side note, I use this excuse often. Making pancakes for dinner? Why yes, because I’m a grown up..)  I had been lusting after this mini cauldron incense burner I found, and finally bought it. While I do live very close to, and visit Salem quite often, I was some how moved to buy these things online. I was a bit bummed when I opened the package and random herbs that had been thrown into the package fell all over my table making a huge mess. The shipping was also astronomical, $5 more than what the postage had stated on the box.

But to make up for it I’m in the process of window-shopping online with the intent to buy new boots. Oh sedate these shopping demons! One of my Christmas presents from Kh ended up falling through so she's given me a spending limit to have my own shopping spree. I'm spoiled.

What else? 

My hairs getting really long and bothering me. 

My birthday is creeping oh so close. Stay away, please?

I’m behind the rest of the world and just finished watching all of Dexter. I was a bit saddened by the end. I think they lost steam and crapped out just to finally end it.

I also got caught up on Dracula, because gosh do I ever love Jonathan Rhys Meyers. Kh calls him my gay face boyfriend, and I’m quite ok with that. Suck me dry any day Mr. Grayson.

Ok, ok before this heads south. I’m going to try and update more frequently, but absolutely no promises are being made from me to the oblivion of internet land.

Hugs and slimy slugs,

fall in new england: apple picking

Apples!

xo

its the small rituals that matter

The past few weeks have been pretty rough on my sanity. I keep telling myself I’m going to take a day off, or put aside time to get away, then the day comes and I’ve managed to schedule myself work, sometimes even unexpectedly. July 20^th was the last weekend I had an actual day off, and at the rate I’m going the next day I don’t have work scheduled for is September 14^th.

It all seems pretty nuts, and going at this speed will eventually kill me, but that’s what I get for owning my own business and it being the first year of operation. I need to put in the hours, do the time, and kick some serious ass. Which * wipes my shoulder * I’m doing.

While I can’t always take the time out I need to recharge, I’ve been doing a few things that are helping me to stay sane.

:: My morning coffee routine

Regardless of how crazy my day is, I try to give myself 2 hours in the morning of just me time. I catch up on any last minute urgent work needs, then spend the rest of the time not doing anything in particular. Most mornings I read a chapter or two of a book, drink my coffee, watch an episode of my latest TV show, or just mindlessly surf the Internet.

On the days I’ve forgotten to give myself this in the morning, I’ve found my days were scattered and a bit crazier than usual. It’s so important to allow yourself moments of unscheduled time. Time to do whatever you want, or nothing at all.

:: Indulging in retail therapy ::

I’m generally not one to indulge too deeply in consumerism. I am pretty frugal in my spending when it comes to my wardrobe, and just about everything else except when it comes to food. I love food. Mm.. Food..

I do a lot of online window shopping, filling up my carts and wish lists without actually buying most things. I like to wait until things go on sale, which let’s face it, that dress you’ve always wanted and finally buy is definitely going on sale the next day after you order it. Or at least, that’s how my luck goes. Recently I’ve been giving myself a monetary budget each month and letting go of my fear of spending money on things I want. To paraphrase that 1983 hit, I work hard for my money, so why shouldn’t I buy myself a few things?

I don’t go crazy, and generally my rule is anything under $20 is a fair grab without any guilt attached to it. If I buy new pieces of clothing, I go through my closet and get rid of a couple of articles of clothing I don’t wear any longer. Checks and balances, it’s working out so far.

:: Having a glass, or two, of wine and smoking a cigarette :: 

Yeah. I do it. Maybe even every night. Maybe I even switch it up and have red one night and white the next. I know, I’m living on the edge. This small little bad habit generally keeps me from wanting to murder someone after a long day. 

The cigarette I could probably cut back on again. My sense of smell is taking a hit, but ugh it’s so good. Is there anything better than sitting out on a porch at night, with a glass of wine and a smoke? Probably not. 

xo

getting lost in the miles

Ok, ok. Yesterday morning I sat down with my coffee fully prepared to disclose my weekend adventures, when I just lost interest and got sucked into work. Work that I really should have been working on weeks ago, but lost interest in that as well.

I’ve been going through a bit of a rut for a while now. Issues in my relationship, feeling not whole as a person, and combating with what feels right to continue with in my life. So, naturally I did what I always do when I feel bogged down and lost, I got in a car (a rental, my car would have fallen apart 20 miles into the adventure) and drove back to New York. I can’t remember the last time I visited with my family, and the day before it was my mom’s birthday. Off I went!

I had almost completely forgotten how recharging it is to me to drive for miles on end. To open the windows, sing along to songs on the radio, and lose myself in the journey.

I planned it so my brother drove up from where he lives as well to surprise my mom. It’s usually my way of doing things, I tell very few people I’m coming into town and surprise my family. It worked. We had dinner and general tomfoolery that comes with getting together. I spent just enough time with them to qualify it as quality time, but not enough to drive me crazy.

Later that night I went to see one of my (used to be) closest friends. I hadn’t seen him in 3 ½ years. We had a huge falling out, which took years to mend. We went out for a few drinks and tried to catch up as best we could. It was heart wrenching, and I’m still working out the feeling of what we had lost that can’t quite be fixed. It’s never easy to realize a close friendship is broken.

On the drive back home I multi-tasked between crying, singing along to 90’s pop songs, and indulging in fast food French fries.

Monday night turned into a long relationship talk with the girlfriend. I’m still reeling from all the emotional exhaustion I’ve felt for the past few days, and mostly just want to keep myself busy so I don’t think about any of it. I'm terrible when it comes to letting emotions sink in. I even ordered checks yesterday. Checks, like from a bank. From a miserable woman that couldn’t stop chewing on her mouth, might I add.

I’m trying to move towards the beginning of August with a new found sense of clarity and realization. Trying to find my footing, and push forward in my goals, not letting anything get in my way while also finding the right decision on matters that may be hard.

In a slightly lighthearted turn of events, I’ve scheduled my next tattoo appointment tomorrow. I’ve already been plunged headfirst into work, and need to really start prioritizing what keeps me sane. Going 8 weeks between having a full day off is not one of those things.

xo 

five reasons why i should be allowed to sleep an entire day this weekend

Last night I spent an hour trying to log onto my tumblr account. After trying every single email/password combination I could think of, I realized I was trying to log onto facebook. Fail.

While brushing my teeth last night, I dropped my toothbrush completely out of my hand and it bounced off my tank top. I refused to change said tank top. Tonight Kh looked at my tank top and said, “Is that toothpaste? From last night?” Opps. I’ve been caught.

I wrote today’s date at least 8 times today, and each time I wrote the date as 2014. I’m living in the future, bitches. (3/13/13 what a strange date..)

I just fell asleep while sneaker shopping online.  

And drooled. 

xo

it's like winters slapping me in the face

This morning I was driving around a bit earlier than I usually get started in my days. It was just around the time when people are starting, or in the middle of their commute into work. People walking, driving, riding their bikes.

It was a nasty day, with winds up to 45mph blasting you from the side, slushy snow that hit the streets and turned to water, and a temperature of 37degrees.  Just warm enough for me to sweat if I moved to much.

I start out all bundled up, I look in the mirror before I leave the house and make sure my hair is evenly placed around my face under my hat and I don’t have anything unsightly stuck to my face from breakfast. My mascara is waterproof, clutching to my eyelashes for dear life, refusing to let go even in the shower. Just the way I like it.

I look as presentable as I’m going to get, because I know what’s going to happen 10 minutes out the door. I’m going to fall the hell apart.

Let me back track to talk about a couple of people I saw on their commute this morning. They were all bundled up and braving this nasty day, just like I was, but there was one difference between us.

The elements had no effect on them. And I hate them for it.

Ok ok.. harsh..

The gusts of wind seemed to be working with their long hair, letting it flow behind them in waves with their hat perched so perfectly on their head. The snow turned to magic dust crystals when it hit there clothes and left no traces of a wet spot. There eyes were two bright spots in the middle of their big old faces, ready to take on whatever the day had in store for them.  

Is there some elite secret society for the preservation of your dignity when leaving the house on inclement weathered days? I'd like to subscribe to their newsletter.

When the wind hits me on days like this, I squint my eyes like I’m sucking on a lemon candy. I have a permanent scowl on my face like someone is consistently pissing in my cheerios, or like the world smells of farts. My hair doesn’t flow like waves behind me, but rather like the matted seaweed stuck in those waves. If you look close enough I probably even have a sea creature or two lurking in my locks.

The 65% of my hair that’s fake that frames my face takes on a life of it’s own and completely separates from the top layer of my real hair, I’ll attribute that to the sea creatures as well. It looks like I have some odd bowl cut that I missed a few pieces when getting cut.

I can only be thankful my mascara is waterproof or else it would be running in streams down my cheeks. My blotchy, red cheeks.

Inclement weather hates me, and I hate it right back. 

You should see me on 90degree days. I essentially melt into an old tomato that can’t process heat.

Winter be gone.

xo

coffee talk number three

I slacked off last week, and I’m sorry for that. I skipped a coffee talk, and I’m ashamed.

Not really, I was just too busy to really get my head out of my ass and put together a post.

Being busy has its ups and its downs. The upside? Making that money, getting those clients and working hard towards a goal. The downside? I want to go to bed by 7pm, I’m barely awake long enough to get my buzz on, and I’m not getting nearly enough online window shopping in.

I made it a point to take a few moments to get in some me time this week. I did some window shopping and played with my polyvore account. I haven’t touched that thing in forever.

If you have a polyvore you can find me here. 

I can't really complain about this past Winter, as it really hasn't been too bad. But holy moly am I ready for Spring. I'm sick of the snow, and the temperatures going from 48 all the way down to 10. Get out of here already. 

To psych myself up I made a few Springy outfits.

I love a nautical theme, especially a subtle one. I'd even wear the red shoes.

It wouldn't be my type of outfit without a skull theme to it. Now would it?

Since I don't want to bore you with just my polyvore outfits, how about a few things I've been lusting after while window shopping? Ok, sure Stephanie why not!

 

:: graveyard leggings :: wrap dress ::

:: skater dress :: leatherette leggings ::

I am loving the graveyard leggings so so so much, but they might even be too goth for me. I, of course, had a million other things I loved and put into my cart but never intend to buy. They just sit there all "wahh buy me I'm even on saleeee!" I hate telling cute things no..

Not really. No is my favorite word.

A post that should have taken me 30 minutes to type up has now turned into a 3 hour escapade and it's driving me bonkers. You ever feel like the second you get on the computer, or start to do something on your own every living thing in the house needs your attention? Yeah, that's my night. 

xo

a hairy history

  --> There you have it. The history of my hair in pictorial form starting with little high school me. Yeah I was in a tube top bra and stockings. Didn’t everyone hang out in their bathroom like that? Then we move on to college me, first move to Boston me, Philadelphia and Portland me, Salem me, and this past Summer me.

A couple of photos show my natural hair color.

Gosh do I miss my angled bob..

I’ve made the decision recently to grow my hair out. I’m quite sure once I get the long hair I’m aiming for, I’ll hate it and want to cut it all off again. I’m ready for a bit of change, even if it means being a hair-hating grouchy pants until I get it.

My good friend, who happens to be my hair stylist (and has been doing my hair on and off since I was 19) stays at my house every 6 weeks when he comes up from Florida to do clients at the old salon I used to work at. This works out smashingly for me, as I get salon quality cuts in my kitchen. (So does Kh.)

This time around he brought up some extensions that we’re going to color match to my hair and throw in to frame my face. Yes, and yes! And don’t be fooled, by color match I simply mean we’re dying it the same box-color I dye my own hair. Box color’s pretty bad for your hair, but ain’t nobody got time to go to the salon! (By time I mean money).  I’m even more excited by the fact I don’t need to go back to the salon I used to work at to get it done. Yeahhhhh-whoooo!

My hairs going to go through several stages. All of which I’m going to hate immensely.

Right now I’m at the helmet head stage.  My hair grows out in a thick bulky mess and then starts to lengthen. My head looks about 2x bigger with all this hair just hanging out on the top of it.

I won’t scare you away with photos of that look, but tomorrow I’ll have a new cut and some fine ass extensions to be whipping around.

xo